Gallons

It's 9.30 pm and I haven't written anything yet. I feel ill. I have a sore throat and gallons of snot. I hope this clears up for the weekend. I sort of want to go into London to visit the Beryl Cook exhibition. I don't know how easy it would be to get baby round on the tube though. I've never had to do that before. I guess we could do it if we took the sling. I'm thinking about it anyway.

Richard Branson has unveiled his spaceship today, or at least a mock up of it. I'm wondering how long it will be before the real thing gets built. They're talking about 2009. It's going to cost about £120,000 for a ticket. I can't believe there are that many people out there with the money to do that. I kind of hope it's a success though.

And it's a slow news day. Prescott has apologised for being a knob head at the Labour party conference, and says he'll go when Blair does. Well that's OK then. Rolls Royce are goign to build a baby car in UK somewhere before the end of the decade. That doesn't sound like RR strategy to me. And Honda have created 700 jobs right here in Swindon. I bet they can't staff it.

OK. I'm off to bed.

Window Dressing

Tony Blair made a joke in his speech yesterday which reportedly had them rolling in the aisles. The joke was apparently inspired by the late Les Dawson who said, "my wife's run off with the bloke next door. I'm certainly going to miss him". Tony version was, "At least I don't have to worry about Cherie running off with the bloke next door". This will mean nothing to you unless you happen to know that Gordon Brown's official residence as Chancellor, is 11 Downing Street. It was a good joke, given the rivalry between the two men. If I had told the joke however, I'd be annoyed that it overshadowed the speech, and that everyone knows it was inserted by his script writer Phil Collins and former communications chief Alistair Campbell, who borrowed it from Les Dawson. Funny how Campbell still appears to be deeply involved in Blair's performances so long after he was forced to resign.

This is what is currently annoying me about politics. It's all about window dressing and nothing about substance. Everyone will remember Blair's joke. I haven't even seen a report about the rest of his speech. It's not just New Labour, although they are clearly image obsessed, it's everyone. I realised yesterday that although I know David Cameron goes to work on a bike, had a windmill installed on his roof, and wants more women in his party, I have no idea what his view is on a Middle East exit strategy, or council tax, or inheritance tax, or immigration, or even id cards. I'd vote for him because I would vote for just about anyone who could remove the current administration, but I can't say I approve of him. It disgusts me.

There is a story in the news today about speed cameras, which always makes me sit up. In Britain we have the damn things about every 200m. I wouldn't mind if I thought they actually did any good, but the evidence to suggest that they make roads safer is not strong. The real problem I have however is the fact that getting caught by one of the evil things is just down to luck and one has no defence when one is caught. This may however change. The European Bill of Human Rights states that no one can be forced to incriminate themselves. Put simply, one has the right to remain silent. When captured on camera however, the police can't tell who was driving and therefore one has only two choices, admit the offence and get prosecuted, or refuse to give the information, and get prosecuted.

A case has been taken to European caught by two British drivers. Reports say that a judgement is not likely to come for some time. It's also worth noting that this case has already gone through British courts and been rejected. Well they would wouldn't they. I however would love to see this case succeed, and it could. I was amused by the reponse of the department for tranmsport who said they would "vigourously" defend current laws. Not surprising since they make money from speed cameras.

A bunch of paintings and drawings apparently by Hitler, have gone to auction in Britain. I'm not sure how the auction ended up in Britain, since the works were found in Belgium, but there you are. I have no issue with people buying and selling artworks by Hitler. It has to be accepted that he was a bit of a bastard, and as such I'm not sure why anyone would want to hang these on their walls, but I don't understand why people buy those hideous Staffordshire dogs either. It's a question of taste obviously. The auction was however disrupted by "comedy terrorist" Aaron Barschak.

Aaron Barschak is, in my view, about as funny as being kicked in the testicles. Again, this could be a question of taste, though I do remember that he was soundly trashed by critics at the Edinburgh fringe one year when he attempted a one man show. Barschak is really only famous for gatecrashing the 21st birthday party of Prince William at Windsor Castle dressed as Osama bin Laden. He then attempted to build a career around the incident, and failed. He is jewish it seems, which perhaps gives him more moral ground to object to sales of Hitler works. I still have a problem with censorship however. Even if the work was offensive, and it really isn't, why would you want to prevent it from being traded, or displayed? There are calls for it to be destroyed. It all seems very odd to me.

Sledgehammers and nuts

I'm writing this at 1pm. In about 1 hour Tony Blair will make his last (Hoo-bloody-ray) conference speech as Labour leader and PM. Wouldn't it be great if he went mad and started flinging mud at Gordon Brown. Gordon has already made his speech. He admitted "differences" between himself and the PM over the years, but claimed it had been a privilidge to work with him. Gordon was not in a position to go mad and sling mud. He still wants party support for the top job. It could be argued however, that Tony has nothing to lose.

Gordon's performance was rather overshadowed by reports that Tony's wife, or the Blair Witch as I like to call her, was heard to call Gordon a liar under her breath as he made his speech. Mrs Blair has since denied making the comment, but it has a distinct ring of truth about it if you ask me. Peter Mandleson, perhaps the most openly unpleasant politician of our time, has now joined the row and claimed that Gordon never did recover from the sacrifice of agreeing not to stand against Blair as leader over ten years ago.

I heard an interesting argument this morning attempting to justify the George Bush position regarding the Iraq war. The comments came from Dennis Miller on the Penn Jillette Radio show on free FM. I don't know who Dennis Miller is, but he is apparently a Bush Supporter and a comedian. He said that Bush was taking these steps because he was looking way ahead into the future and that he would only be recognised for doing the right thing many years from now, and probably not even in his own lifetime.

Now, make no mistake, I disagree with this statement completely, but it made me sit up and think. Up until now I have firmly believed that this war was a result of simple dislike for Islam and desire for 9-11 revenge. But it could be that Bush really thinks that Islam may be destined to change the world, perhaps centuries from now, and that a war was the only way to stop it. It's an interesting theory, and no intelligent poilitician is going to pursue this type of philosophy because it's not a vote winner. But of course, Bush is not intelligent, unless I misunderestimated him.

Like I said, I don't hold with this theory, it just added a new dimension for me. I still think that Saddam was a nut and the war was a sledgehammer.

Yesterday there was a free Gone With the Wind film poster in the Times. I swiped one from the first class carriage on the train. They give the Times away free to first class passengers. There is apparently a free classic film poster every day this week in the Times. I don't actually want these posters, but for some reason it became very important for me to try and swipe today's paper, just to see what the poster was. Unfortunately I didn't manage it. There just weren't any swipable papers there this morning, so I will have to try again this evening. I hope it's Cassablanca. One of them has to be Cassablanca doesn't it?

I just read that Tony did not go bonkers and trash Gordon Brown in his speech. I guess he did feel he had something to lose. Sad, but not entirely unexpected. What do you think Tony's next project will be? I don't think it's any great secret that he wants to be Euro President, but that job just isn't available, and may never be. He could attempt to move into US politics. He's been sucking up to George for years and he does seem to have a certain celebrity status in the US, which appears to be the prime qulaity required of US politicians.

There is a Beryl Cook exhibition in London and I so want to go and see it. I'm wondering if I can find the time and the money to make it up there in the next couple of weeks before it closes. It'll be a pain in the arse with the baby though.

Pepper spray

This weekend, we returned to Cirencester, this time on Saturday, so it was open. Sadly, we still managed to miss the traditional market because it winds up at lunchtime and we were buggering about doing other stuff. There will be other times however.

Friend Murdoch mailed me a box of tomatoes. Apparently he has a glut and we don't. He felt embarrassed because I gave him the seedlings and they are doing better than ours. We have other good things growing in our garden however. We spent quite a long time in the garden yesterday clearing weeds and packing them into bags. The front garden hasn't looked that clear in months.

Somehow we managed to buy printer ink yesterday at Tesco and then leave it there. Well, it might be swimming around the boot of the car, I haven't looked yet. I hate when stuff like that happens.

The little guy has been coughing and sneezing all weekend, but he did seem better yesterday than Saturday. I think he caught the Dragon's cold. I felt a bit off colour over the weekend too, but I feel better now.

The guy they pulled in over the mysterious death of the young woman in Swindon has been released on bail without charge. I don't understand that. If they haven't charged him with anything, how the hell can he be on bail? In any case, it does mean that whoever threw her from the top of the car park is still free to do it to someone else.

I keep thinking about mugger deterants. In this country one isn't allowed to carry anything more dangerous than a pea shooter, which is what makes mugging so popular. I was thinking that I might try and make a pepper spray. Your not allowed to buy or sell mace or anything like that here, but I was thinking, can't be that tough to make it. Then I realised there was no point poncing about doing that when I could just import a crte load from Taiwan. There you can get the full range of sprays and dyes. I just need to get someone to drop one in the mail for me. Better not send it airmail though. Don't want those bad boys exploding in the hold.

The news today is dominated by Gordon Brown who is trying to convince the world that he is not a power mad control freak, but still wants to be Prime Minister. That's going to be difficult to pull off. I think Tony Blair will be giving his conference speech tomorrow, which means there will be no other news tomorrow either.

I did read that a three year old accidentally managed to buy a car on e-bay using his parents' account. But frankly, the stry isn't that great. He just manage to clcik the right button because his parents' left themselves signed on. Click.

I hope I'm still interested at 95

Thought for the day...

Is the Pope still considered "infalible" by Catholics? If so, doesn't that make an apology impossible? He can't make mistakes if he is infalible can he?

Security around the Home Sectretary is being tightened after a known fundamentalist Muslim managed to disrupt a speech he was making yesterday. I can't make myself care. I think the fundamentalist is a nutter, and I think Reid is a corrupt Tony Toady.

The big news today is that the little chap is 6 months old. Seems like only yesterday that he popped out. He's found his appetite again this week. Today he ate half a pair, some rice, and a special baby biscuit. He's also on big boy formula milk for babies over 6 months. I am especiallypleased about this because it's cheaper than his baby milk.

I just read a story about a 95 year old man who has been let off after being caught kerb crawling. The first thing that strikes me as odd here is that kerb crawling is not illegal, it never has been, so what exactly was he let off from? Secondly, reading the article further, it says, "During the six-month crackdown, police arrested 40 men in the town and 35 will be attending a rehabilitation course". What the @*$$!? Are they trying to "cure" men of sexual desire? This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

The most worrying statement however is, "Police said that if a man was found kerb-crawling a letter could be sent to the licence holder of the vehicle, which could turn out to be his wife or employer". Even if it wasn't for the bad punctuation in that sentence, and the fact that there is no such thing as a vehicle licence int his country, I'd still be fuming. Are they saying that anyone seen in a slow moving vehicle risks having their wife or boss receivie a letter acusing them of using prostitutes? What happened to innocent until proven guilty?

A man has been arrested concerning the death of a young woman just a few minutes from the very house where I am typing this. Great, I live a few hundred meters from a murder site. I suppose I should be pleased they have arrested someone. The post mortem apparently suggested that she died from a fall from a building. I guess they think she was pushed. Click.

Right, notihng else to write about. Going to bed.

A quick guide to conkers

So OK, conkers, here's the deal; Conkers are big nut things that drop off horse chestnut trees. They look like chestnuts, but you can't eat them. They come in spikey balls that you have to break open.



When you get the shiney brown conker out, you put a hole in it with a nail or something and then thread a string through. You tie a knot in the end of the string to stop the conker coming off. You then need to find a friend who also has a conker on a piece of string. Strings should be about 30-40 cm long.

Now, listen up, here's where it gets complicated. Player one holds his/her conker up by the string. It's important to keep your fingers away from the conker, but you have to hold enough string to ensure that you don't lose it. Most kids put a loop of string round a finger. Player two holds his/her string in the right hand, and the conker in the left (other way round if they're left handed). There are different techniques here, but generally this player will put a loop of string once round the right hand and hold the conker with the first two fingers of the left hand with the string running between the fingers. This player then swings his/her conker at the other player's conker as hard as they can. If either conker breaks and falls off the string, the other player wins.

The players take it in turns to hold and swing at the other conker. The difficult thing is the scoring. There are two main methods of scoring. The simplest way is to count the number of times your conker has broken another conker. If it has broken one, then its a one-er, two and it's a two-er. But, in some school playgrounds you score 1 for every game you win, and you add the score of the conker you just beat. Thus, if I had a five-er, and I beat a three-er I add 1 for winning the game. and another 5 because it beat the five-er. So it then becomes a nine-er.

Injuries can of course occur, mainly bruised fingers, but we've all seen conkers fly off strings and strike innocent passers by. It's a necessary risk one takes in the playground. It's a matter of honour.

OK, if everyone's clear on that. I'll go to bed. You may go.

Genius

This weekend I fixed our electrics problem. I don't know why I was worried, I am a complete genius. I replaced the entire fuse box in 75 minutes. I bought a new one from Wick's. It was £55. I thought that was OK. It includes 4 circuit breakers. There was a loose connection in the old box causing the problem. It wasn't correctable however because the thing had got so hot that one of the terminal screws had actually welded itself in place. I probably could have patched it together, but it was old and clucnky anyway. So, if there is no entry tomorrow, the house may have burnt down.



We went looking for a new mattress on Staurday. Those things are expensive. The dragon found only one that she liked, but unfortunately it could only be purchased with a bed. There were several others that almost made the grade, but we're still looking for the perfect feel.

The fact that I managed to fix the electric problem so fast meant that we still had time to play yesterday and we went to Cirencester. I'd never been to the church there, but we did step inside yesterday. I had no idea it was so old. Some of it dates back to 12th Century. There is a font there from that sort of period, with a lead stopper. That can't be good for babies can it?

We also went walking on the Bathurst estate grounds near the church and picked up a few conkers. Is conkers an exclusively British game? Do Americam school children play? It's probably banned at chools now in case the little darlings hurttheir fingers or strangle themslevs with the string.



The only thing I can find of even the remotest interest in the news today is the discovery of the body of a young woman in Swindon. I hope it's no one I know.

I'm OK with it

It's Friday - Woot! This weekend is unplanned, except that we intend to get a new matress. I'm sure we'll find something else to amuse ourselves as well. I also have to take apart the fuse box and see what I can do about fixing it come to think of it. I guess that is pencilled in for tomorrow morning after breakfast. I've decided that, even though the main fuse has been security sealed by the Electric company, I'm going to break the seal and pull the damn fuse anyway. There's no other way to cut the power to the fuse box and they refused to come out and look at the problem because the fuse box is my responsibility apparently. They can't have it both ways as far as I'm concerned.

I read on the internet this morning that it's going to rain tomorrow, but it actually looks quite nice now. I've decided that television weather reports have become incomprehensible these days. At one time we used to have a man standing in front of a giant map of the UK with magnetic rainclouds and sun symbols. It was really easy to understand. If there is a cloud over your town, take an umbrella. These days we seem to get only satellite pictures at obscure angles. The morning weather on the BBC is the worst. They pan up and down a map of the country and you can never tell where you are because it keeps bloody moving. Another classic case of over-doing the technology. I look on the internet now.

I just heard that the baby has been weighed and has gone up to 6.7 kg I think. I understand that his temperature might go up a bit while his teeth are coming, so we have to take this into account when dressing him and putting blankets on him. Why does his temperature go up?

Seems like the Holy Father has made a bit of an arse of himself. He's made a speech in Germany in which he quoted some 14th Century Christian Emperor who claimed Muhammad had brought the world only "evil and inhuman" things. I think the Pope is in a difficult position. As a Christian he has to believe that only those accepting the sacrifice of Christ will attain salvation. He therefore thinks all Jews, Muslims, Seiks, Atheists, Agnostics, Scientologists, Bhuddists, Hindus, and Pagans (around 70% of the world) are going to burn in hell. Apparently he's not allowed to say this though.

The Pope's comemnts have riled Muslims and I suppose it's going to cause some problems. I was concerned about this for a while, and then I thought, "wait a minute, Christians and Muslims fighting each other, actually I'm OK with that".

Fangs

The big news today is that my son appears to be growing his first teeth. There hasn't been much excitment with his development for a few weeks now. I think the last milestone was starting solid food, and that was weeks ago. Yesterday however I put my fingers in his mouth (after washing them of course) and felt a definite scratch. He has just learnt to drink from his special cup with a spout, and we noticed yesterday that he's even managed to put teeth marks in that. Like I said, terribly exciting.

We had a monsoon today. I wore my hat to walk to the train station this morning. My umbrella was a victim of the 9-11 incident. I must buy another one. I have received my new bank card, but not tried it yet. That was fast. I reported it stolen at 7.08pm on Monday, and I had a new one in the mail Wednesday morning.

It's been a long week, but it's drawing to a close. I'll be glad when it's over. This weekend we have no plans yet, other than to buy a matress. The current one is old and was used by the tennants when I rented the house out. It's never seemed quite right to sleep on it, and it's lumpy. I need to get my Father a birthday present too. I have no idea what to get him. Maybe a stripper.

Someone apparently died today and it caused all the trains to be delayed when I went home. It actually didn't matter very much because I just caught one at about the same time as usual that should have been there 30 minutes previously. It wasn't made clear whether the fatality was the result of someone throwing themselves beneath a train, or something else. It did cause some chaos however.

Wait, I just found the story on the BBC web site. Apparently a man suspected of killing a woman in Ealing was hit by a train and died at a West London station. Well there you have it. It is selfish to throw yourself under a train to commit suicide I think. Not only does the poor train driver have to watch you bounce off the window in front of him, you make everyone late.

My personal 9-11

I didn't get around to writing anything yesterday. The Parents showed up to see their grandson and I had no spare time in the evening. I hadn't told them of the events of the previous night and the dragon filled them in when they arrived. I was still at work. They were undertsandably concerned. I think the dragon is probably more affected by this than any of us. She was apparently in tears yesterday when she told my parents. That hurts me far more than the punches did.

The police said they don't hold out much hope of catching the scum bag. If they find the id card that he took, or the bank card, they can dust it for prints. But the bank says the card will be routinely destroyed if it gets swallowed by an ATM because I reported it stolen. I believe the first thing he did when he left me was go to an ATM. He may have tried to use it before I reported it stolen, though he wouldn't have got anywhere with the pin I gave him. It is possible that an ATM may get a picture of him if he tries to use the card, but not all ATMs have cameras it seems. The other things that could get him caught are the tattoo on his right inner forearm, which I have described and is distinctive, or some other cctv footage of him using the card. I hope they do catch him. I'm sure he's done this before and he will again.

I wonder what his life is like. The police said he'll be a drug user with no other focus in his life. My Father says he must have been to prison because he knew exactly how to mug someone, and habitual muggers don't stay out of jail for long. I hope he's right about that. Our lives are so different. I get up in the morning to go to work. He gets up in the evening to go and rob someone. People like him are like another species to me. He's someone I wouldn't even speak to in normal circumstances. He can't be happy living like that can he? He can never go to sleep at night pleased with what he's achieved that day. I bet he never goes to sleep looking forward to tomorrow. His parents can never have looked at him and said, "That's great son, I'm really proud of you". Should part of me pity him?

I'm surprised at how little anger I have. My Mother said she was pleased he only got £5. I told her I don't really care about the money. I think I would have felt the same if he had taken £20 or £100. I suppose I'm glad he didn't profit much from his crime, but losing money somehow seems trivial. I'm definitely more concerned about getting my Taiwanese ARC back. I suppose it was good to give him something with no address on. I just wish it had been something I didn't need, or at least easier to replace.

I thought maybe I would be nervous about walking home yesterday. I won't lie, it was on my mind, and I took a different route home, avoiding dark alleys and deserted subways. I walked within a few metres of the crime scene however, and I didn't throw up or faint. I heard footsteps running up behind me at one point and it startled me, but it was just a group of joggers. I think tomorrow I will walk to the station using the route I took on Monday evening again. Call it therapy or something. I won't let this change me.

Fat lip

The previous entry was written at work this afternoon, but today a second entry is necessary because something happened on the way home. I managed to get myself mugged. I was thinking maybe I wouldn't write about this, because lets face it, it's not exactly macho to come off worse in a fight, and I did. But then I thought, this is a diary, and it's about me, so I have to. So here's what happened.

I was walking home from the station. I took a route across some fairly rough residential areas. It's not a journey I would make in the dark, but it was early evening. It was raining and two young men were talking under a bridge ahead of me. One of them moved into my way and asked me for money. I thought he was a begger. He was bigger than me, about 25, grungy looking. I told him I didn't have any money, but he blocked my way. "I'm not joking", he said, pushing his face against mine. It didn't feel as though he was going to get violent, he was calm. I told him I didn't have any money again, and he hit me.

He hit me in the mouth and I tasted blood. I wasn't scared, but it hurt and I didn't know what to do. I've never hit anyone in my life. He kept telling me to give him money. So I showed him my wallet. There was just five pounds in there. "I want more than that", he told me. He seemed unable to make the connection between the empty wallet and no more money. "I want your bank card", he told me.

I hate having to stop bank cards when they get lost and I couldn't see why he would want it, so I asked him, "what do you want that for?" It was a mistake, he punched me again in the face. "Alright, take whatever you want", I said and I handed it to him. So he took it and started badgering me for the number. I gave him an old telephone number. He asked for it agaian and again, and I told him the same telephone number again and again.

Then he asked me for ID. I wasn't expecting that, but he wanted it apparently so that he could come after me if the number I gave him was wrong. That's kind of scary isn't it? He wanted something with my address on so that he could terrorise me if I didn't give him money. I don't carry id. I never do, never have. I don't want anyone to be able to force me to identify myself.

I hunted through my wallet for something that I could give him. He hit me again, and this time it was a complete surprise, I didn't even see it coming. I'm sure there were two men under the bridge when I arrived, and I thought the other one had hit me, it was in the side of the face. But I looked up and couldn't see him. It was just me and a single thug.

I handed him one of only two cards in my wallet with a photo on. It was in fact a Taiwanese alien resident certificate. He didn't seem to realise that it was in Chinese. It has an address on it, in Chinese, and it has nothing to do with my British address. On reflection I think it would have been better to give him my other photo card, for the library at eading University. I don't need that one anymore, but my Taiwanese ARC is in fact quite important. He asked me a few more times for the bank card number. Lucky I chose a number that I could remember and not some random number. And then he took off.

I took a zig zag route home. I really didn't want him to follow me. And then I called the police. They came and took a statement. The police woman asked why I wasn't angry. I suppose I should be really, but I'm not. I have a fat lip and a few things ache, but I guess I didn't get hurt badly. I'm a bit pissed off, and it would be nice if he dies soon, from serious and painful injuries, but I don't care much.

Here's a thought. I didn't have id, so Icouldn't give it to the scum bag. If Britain gets id cards, how many people are going to be walking around with their adress in their pocket ready to give to a mugger?

Odd People

I've decided I am drawn to odd people. This morning at the train station there was the strangest little fat man. He was only slightly taller than 5 feet, in his fifties, with a flat hat, and wearing a watch on both wrists. He was like a cartoon character. It was only his appearance was definitely strange of course. I didn't speak with him, but he could have been tediously normal in every other way. I wanted to ask him why he wore two watches, but apart from the fact that it may have been a rude question, I would have been so upset had he given me a rational answer and turned out to be just another ordinary human. I want to believe that one of his watches didn't work but was given to him by his father who told him the titanium case would protect him from werewolves or something. It would have been so dissapointing to hear that he had a daughter in Borneo and he used the second watch to check her timezone.

On Saturday, British Heritage had a special, "everything is free" day. This is not a bad thing. British Heritage run lots of historic sights around Britain. The only problem was that it was badly advertised. I heard about it at 10am on Saturday and went straight to the web sight to find somewhere close to visit. Unfortunately everyone else in Britain did the same thing and the web sight was almost unusable. In the end I gave up. We had planned other things for Saturday anyway. We painted the conservatory and the only wooden window frame in the house, all ready for winter.

Sunday we went out to Corsham Court. The dargon likes historic houses and castles, because they just don't have them in Taiwan. It was a pretty good day. It wasn't free, but it's not a British heritage sight, so it wouldn't have been free on Saturday either. They had an enormous collection of Italian art which must be worth literally millions. I made a complete arse of myself. Pointing to a high painting I asked the guide, "I don't want to sound like a Philistine, but what's that guy up there doing holding the huge head?" "That's David and the head of Goliath", I was told. Oh, the irony.

Flanger

So Tony Blair thinks he can quell the riot by assuring everyone that he'll step down within a year. Haven't we already heard that from him? And, as a colleague of mine stated yesterday, "that's a hell of a long walk for a lame duck". That vile woman Ruth Kelly was on tv news this morning trying to dig her boss out of the smeg. She really wasn't doing a terribly good job. And it seems Charles Clarke has been fanning the flames with his comments about Gordon Brown. It's all over the news this morning. Well, as far as I am concerned, it's all good news. If he goes, we get someone less corrupt. If he stays, we get to see him destroy his own party from the top down.

Someone left a note here recently saying that Blair isn't corrupt. How can you say that? In my mind he has a history of corruption. He promotes his equally corrupt friends into positions of power even after they have had to resign on issues of dishonesty and misconduct. In the case of Mandelson, he even managed to steer him into a post from which he cannot be removed by democratic action. He remains in the post of European commissioner to this day. He lied about his dealings with convicted con man, Peter Foster. And anyone who really thinks he wasn't trying to mislead the public over WMD in Iraq really wants their head looking at. Corrupt is too small a word.

I learnt today that Steve Irwin expressed a hope some two years ago that, if he were to die at the hands of some wild beast, his death would be filmed. Apparently he got his wish, but the footage is not going to be released. I don't think I want to see it anyway, but I bet it leaks out somehow.

The fuse box in our house is arcing and getting hot, which means that I will have to do something about it this weekend. I called the Electricity supplier this morning and they claimed it wasn't their responsibility. I bet it's expensive. I don't want the house to burn down however, so I'd better deal with it.

I just heard that my son has put on some more weight this week. We were a little worried about him because he hadn't gained anything at his last weigh-in. The crew there seem to think he is about to sprout teeth. God knows how they work this out. I've been poking around in his mouth for ages and I haven't found any evidence.

Now, I have a treat for you all. I'm going to let you in on a sectret from my past. When I was at University I was in a band. We were called "Flanger". Actually, I don't know if I was ever actually "in" the band, or whether I was simply a guest vocalist once. I think they only did two sessions and I was definitely in one of them anyway. We were really awful, but awful in a good way, like the Sex Pistols.

During the short life of Flanger, it operated on the very fringe of the music world. The distinct sound was achieved through a combination of excessive alcohol consumption and total lack of preparation. In short, the guys showed up with a crate of dangerously cheap beer and whatever instruments they could lay their hands on, and then made noise.

Why am I telling you all this? Well I haven't heard Flanger for years, and I'm not sure much footage exists anywhere anymore, but this morning another band member, Fletch, e-mailed me a WAv file. Be warned, it isn't pretty, and probably isn't suitable for work. Click here at your own risk.

That little snatch of noise brought back a few memories and I'm tempted to see if any of the others still have the whole thing. I can't remember much about the night in question. I think I remember some beer getting smashed on the kitchen floor, and I'm sure one of the songs includes a phone call from Dave's girlfriend, now his wife. It was such a great night.

Pretentious

All the trains were either delayed or cancelled this morning. The 8.29 was even later than usual. In fact, I caught the 8.34 at 8.49, and it still hadn't arrived. It was all down to either a signal failure, or points problem, depending on which story you believe. Actually I don't believe any of them and I think they're all out to get me.

The weather got warm again today, which can only be a good thing, but I am still depressed about the end of summer. It was actually getting dark by the time I arrived home today.

That corrupt bastard Tony Blair is under real fire from just about everywhere this morning I am pleased to say. This afternoon 7 ministers from his own party resigned over the matter of Tony not saying when he will step down. I mentioned at work that I couldn't see what he thought he stood to gain by staying on like this, and one of my colleagues came up with the only possible answer. He's just trying to piss off Gordon Brown.

That idiot Mark McGowan, the most pretentious "artist" in history is launching another stupid stunt in Birmingham. He's going to lie in the street dressed as a soldier for 10 hour stretches. It's almost worth driving up there to kick the knob head. I can't understand why I let this third rate artist who's never had an original thought in his life, annoy me. I think it's the same reason I let BMW drivers annoy me. They think they're special.

If you see this prick in Birmingham, lying onthe floor dressed as a soldier, put the boot in from me.



Princess Kiko, daughter in law of Japanese Emperor Akihito has given birth to a son, and the whole of Japan has heaved a sigh of collective releif. This is because the Japanese royal family has not produced a male heir in over 40 years and they were wondering what the hell they were going to do about an emperor after the curent one and his sons die. Apparently it is absolutely unthinkable that they could have a female head of state. Amazing isn't it that arguably the most advanced country in the world technologically is still living in the dark ages in terms of misogyny and politics based on accidents of birth. Congratulations to you anyway madam.

Kindney eating child rapist

I lost my damn bank card yesterday. Don't you just hate when that happens? As luck would have it however, I got it back. I was fairly sure I left it at the station yesterday when I bought my ticket. They found it and gave it back to me this morning. I think I left it in the stupid machine.

Today I got so into what I was doing at work I lost track of time. I didn't leave until nearly 6. I still got home by about 6.45 however. You know, the 8.29 train is always late in the morning. I don't know why they just don't rename it, the 8.40 train. Honestly, I've been using the train for two weeks now, and the 8.29 hasn't yet left before the 8.34. It's ridiculous.

It seems that convicted child killer Ian Huntly has attempted suicide in prison. This is another great advert for the death penalty. Even he wants to die. No one wants to pay for him to stay in jail for the rest of his life, and now he's costing us even more as we employ people to make sure he doesn't do it again. he world really would be a better place without him.

Today the dragon walked into the town with the baby. She likes to do this, and I think he likes it too. Apparently she met an old man as she sat on a seat outside one of the big department stores and he started a conversation with her. The old man was divorced and had three children, but somehow he had lost touch with them. He asked if he could hold the baby and the dragon let him. Half of me is horrified by this. What if he had run off with my son, raped him, and ate his kidneys? The other half of me thinks it's wonderful that she gave the old man the chance to hold this new life. She says he was so happy that she let him hold him.

I can't ignore the negative feelings, but very few old men are kidney eating child rapists, and I'm glad he had the chance to hold my son. The dragon did something to make an old man happy today, and that's a good thing right?

I unraveled the Sept 18th thing by the way. It's my sister in law's birthday. I don't know why I was draming about it, but I was, so there it is.

I notice the OD question of the week is "what is the most important thing you learnt at school?" I think that would have to be that, even though the teachers were mostly not as smart as me, I still had to take their crap. And yes, I really was that cynical, that young.

Prophecy

Last night I dreamt about Sept 18th being a Monday. Now I almost never dream, so I felt it was significant. In fact, I don't know whether this really counts as a dream beacuse I can only remember that 18 Sept being a Monday was significant, nothing else. Anyway, I was so surprised that I remembered anything at all, I checked the calendar, and Sept 18th is a Monday. So I think it cold be a prophecy.



This weekend the weather was mediocre, so we didn't really go out anywhere. We did finally get around to going out for dinner at the Pagoda Palace here in Sunny Swindon. It was good, expensive, but good, and our son was as good as gold. This was in celelbration of my first paycheque.



We also went to the Swindon outlet village yesterday. That almost didn't happen because one of my achingly funny jokes backfired and I was in the dog house with the dragon for several hours. I held the baby up so that it looked like he was suspended in mid air, looking round the door at the dragon cleaning her teeth. This seemingly hysterical jape however frightened the hell out of my wife and landed me in trouble. Sorry darling.

I have to mention < ahref=http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/5313078.stm>Steve Irwin, who died today after a fight with a sting ray. Now, I don't want to sound flippant here because I liked Steve and his family must be having a rough time right now, but there's no getting away from the fact that the guy was a nutter and it was always going to be some dangerous animal that finished him off. I'm slightly surprised he wasn't eaten by a huge reptile, but I think a sting ray was a suitable substitute. Perhaps he'd have liked to go that way, I like to think so.