A quick guide to conkers

So OK, conkers, here's the deal; Conkers are big nut things that drop off horse chestnut trees. They look like chestnuts, but you can't eat them. They come in spikey balls that you have to break open.



When you get the shiney brown conker out, you put a hole in it with a nail or something and then thread a string through. You tie a knot in the end of the string to stop the conker coming off. You then need to find a friend who also has a conker on a piece of string. Strings should be about 30-40 cm long.

Now, listen up, here's where it gets complicated. Player one holds his/her conker up by the string. It's important to keep your fingers away from the conker, but you have to hold enough string to ensure that you don't lose it. Most kids put a loop of string round a finger. Player two holds his/her string in the right hand, and the conker in the left (other way round if they're left handed). There are different techniques here, but generally this player will put a loop of string once round the right hand and hold the conker with the first two fingers of the left hand with the string running between the fingers. This player then swings his/her conker at the other player's conker as hard as they can. If either conker breaks and falls off the string, the other player wins.

The players take it in turns to hold and swing at the other conker. The difficult thing is the scoring. There are two main methods of scoring. The simplest way is to count the number of times your conker has broken another conker. If it has broken one, then its a one-er, two and it's a two-er. But, in some school playgrounds you score 1 for every game you win, and you add the score of the conker you just beat. Thus, if I had a five-er, and I beat a three-er I add 1 for winning the game. and another 5 because it beat the five-er. So it then becomes a nine-er.

Injuries can of course occur, mainly bruised fingers, but we've all seen conkers fly off strings and strike innocent passers by. It's a necessary risk one takes in the playground. It's a matter of honour.

OK, if everyone's clear on that. I'll go to bed. You may go.