Almost a Riot

I almost started a riot in the office yesterday. I must have mentioned that I share a cubicle with two maths PhDs. Yesterday I foolishly mentioned that I thought most people probably didn't know how aeroplanes stayed in the air. I can't remember why I said it, but it prompted a few comments about air moving faster over the top of the wing than beneath it. I said that I wasn't sure it was true, since air split at the leading edge doesn't necessarily have to meet again at the trailing edge. I'd read this somewhere, and that the famous "Bernoulli" principal was only a very small factor.

Anyway, George started mouthing off about how air definitely does meet again at the trailing edge, though didn't explain why, and asked me how aeroplanes do fly. I told him I wasn't really sure, but that I'd read that fluid flowing over a curved surface tends to stick to the surface, thus pulling down on the air as it flows down the trailing part of the wing. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, as we all know, and this pulling down of air can also be considered to cause a "lift" effect in the opposite direction. He questioned my use of the phrase "stick to", so I changed it to "follow the contours of".

Alan was keeping pretty quiet but was looking troubled, so I prompted him for an opinion. He claimed that air didn't have to meet at the trailing edge, but that air over the top of the wing was travelling faster, but he couldn't explain it. Then a passer-by pitched in something about diverting air flow, and Alan started talking about fluid dynamics around a cylinder and a pole on a complex plane or something. He was going quite well until I pointed out that his cylinder was symmetrical and asked him why there was no negative lift on the underside. He then started talking about eddies.

At that point my boss appeared and rehashed the whole Bernoulli thing. I told him we were in the process of proving that all wrong. It was only then that I noticed the steam coming out of George's ears. He told me I was disruptive and must have been a very difficult student. Then he put his headphones on and refused to enter into any more discussions. By this time Alan actually had a pencil and paper out and was writing down equations. He said he was going home to work on it. He also told a joke about a mathematician, a physicist amd an engineer talking about prime numbers in a pub. It wasn't funny, or maybe I didn't understand it.

Anyway, go here and have a look at this explanation if you want to start a fight in your own office.

***

It's Halloween today of course. We're supposed to come wearing black, so I did. There are some odd characters in the office who really went to town on the outfits. Someone is dressed as Batman. What's that all about? A witch in the kitchen commented on my black tie and I told her I was also wearing black leather underwear with studs, on the inside, and she went away giggling. It's not true of course. The studs are on the outside.

I was drawn to the Telegraph headline "Vicar went to hospital with potato stuck in bottom". According to the article, "The clergyman, in his 50s, told nurses he had been hanging curtains when he fell backwards on to his kitchen table. He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap, said the vicar, who insisted he had not been playing a sex game".

Come on, stop laughing, it could happen to anyone.

The article goes on to list a number of other articles extracted by the hospital from various arses. Apparently a Sheffield hospital spokesman said, "Like all busy hospitals we do see some unusual accidents. But our staff deal with them in a discreet, professional and kind way."

Not so discreet that they keep it out of the newspapers apparently.

Brilliant Idea

28 Oct

According to the BBC, the cow in the Home Office is to announce, "Tougher measures to prevent extremists entering the UK". What a brilliant idea. Don't let known terrorists into the country. Why didn't we think of that sooner? Are we supposed to be impressed? Talk about bolting the stable door after your horse has left!

One other story which caught my eye this morning; the UN has generously allowed some countries in Africa to sell their ivory stocks. There are conditions of course. Money raised will have to be put towards elephant conservation projects (presumably because starving children are less important than bloody elephants), and the stockpile will be auctioned to buyers in China and Japan.

I'd like to make a few points here:

There are five permanent members of the UN Councils, most of which made themselves rich by exploiting Africa's natural resources at one time or another, you know, gold, diamonds, people, ivory.

China (a member of the UN permanent councils) stands to make a packet out of this deal of course.

Some conservationist groups are appalled because they say it will encourage illegal trade in ivory and poaching, though all the figures seem to suggest exactly the opposite.

The UN permanent councils have no African representation.

Just a little food for thought there.

29 Oct

Heard in the office today:

"Oh, Jack Straw, he was head of the Students Uniion when I was at Oxford. He was a prat then and nothing's changed. And Charles Clarke, jug-eared twat!"

I can't believe that the PM has waded into the row over the Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross phone prank. If you don't know what happened, click here. Hasn't Gordon got more important things to do? I say sack the pair of them because they are talentless prats. I've always thought Ross was a knobhead. I did think Brand was quite quick at one point, but since this debacle emerged he doesn't seem to have apologised or even made a sensible comment. It's not the first time he's performed irresponsible pranks and he'll almost certainly continue to do so given the chance.

Oh Stop Press, The BBC has suspended both of them and Brand has resigned. Actually he also apologised, but it was so late coming it looked as though he was made to do it.

Nothing else remotely interesting happened today

Probably

The government is planning sex and relationship education for children possibly as young as five. It's a complete waste of time of course. Responsibility for such things should remain with the parents, not the schools. What the hell is "relationship" education anyway? The aim, apparently, is to reduce teen pregnancy and STDs, not usually considered big problems for five-year-olds. Lesley Thomas in the Telegraph has hit the nail on the head when she says, "If you want to teach children that it might be better for them to wait until they are grown-ups before having babies, it would make more sense to give them lessons on how hard it is to be a parent, not how easy it is to get pregnant."

I mentioned a few days ago about a move by the Humanist Association that would see large, friendly atheist adverts appearing on the side of London buses.



It seems that the campaign has raised so much cash, even before the adverts have appeared, that the plan has now been extended to cover possibly the whole country. There was a lot of discussion about why the word "probably" appears in the advert. Apparently it's to do with both advertising restrictions and being philosophically true to the atheist position. The Richard Dawkins view is that stating, "There is no God", is a position of faith because it can't be proven, and atheist don't do faith. Anyway, read more here.

The most positive thing about this campaign so far is that it's upset Stephen Green, the nutter who fronts Christian Voice.

The above was written on Friday morning, but never posted because I had to rush home from work and pick up the boy because the Dragon spent the afternoon working as a translator at the hospital for a friend with a sick child. Long story, child is now recovering slowly I'm pleased to say.

It's now Monday, the stock market is in freefall. Gordon Brown is on the defensive about borrowing huge amounts of money, and the clocks have gone back. I so hate when the clocks change! I woke up totally confused yesterday morning because my watch syncs itself up with the national time signal every night and thus automatically adjusted itself to the new time. All the other clocks in the house didn't.

Everyone should read Charlie Brooker in the Guardian on Mondays. The guy just keeps getting it right.

This weekend I made a steak and kidney pie with flaky pastry top. It was pretty damn awesome. I didn't get it exactly right. I rolled the pastry too thin, but it was flaky, just not thick enough. I'll know next time.

Standing Up

22 Oct

The power just went off at work. My trusty laptop is working on battery power as I type this, but there are alarms going off all over the place. I think the whole industrial park is down. I'm guessing we're going to be sent home. Last time this happened the power was off all day. I reckon I have an hour or so of power. So I am taking this opportunity to write something.

George Osbourne, shadow Home Secretary, has been accused of "soliciting" a donation of money to the Conservative Party, from a slightly dodgy Russian billionaire (is there any other kind of Russian billionaire). George says he didn't solicit anything. The subject of a donation came up in conversation. It was dismissed as a possibility because the dodgy Russian dude can't legally donate to the Conservative party for reasons that are just too boring to go into.

So, can someone please tell me why George is in the smeg? The only point of contention seems to be whether he visited the dodgy Russin with intent to "solicit" a donation. He says he didn't, and even if he did, why is that a problem? It's not illegal to investigate the possibility of a donation and then dismiss it as not possible or desirable for political or legal reasons. No donation was made. And the figure that's been published (£50K) doesn't even seem like enough to make it very likely that the Conservatives would pursue it.

This whole thing smells of Mandelson.

23 Oct

Pres Sarkozy of France is in the news today. Do we like him? The only thing I know about him is that he married a hot French chick who appears to overshadow him every time he goes anywhere. Anyway, some enterprising individual has marketed a voodoo doll with his face. Said doll comes complete with pins, suggested curses, and full instructions on how to put the evil eye on the president. Sarkozy appears to be proper upset about the whole thing and is getting all litigious. I think he's missed a trick. He should have stood up and told everyone to go out and curse him. When bugger-all happened to him after say one month, he can stand up again and say, "look, Voodoo is a load of bollocks. Now lets get on with mending the economy". That way he would have got his free publicity, looked tough, and stuck blow for common sense all in one go. See I should have been pres.

*

I want to tell you about the notebook we keep in our computer room. The Dragon bought this notebook for me a long time ago, but I never used it because it was too big to fit in my pocket. Instead it has been left in our computer room, and almost every day at least one of us writes a sentence or two in it. There are no rules. Usually we just write funny little notes to each other that would mean very little to anyone else. Sometimes we write more serious things if something is on our minds. Mostly it's personal stuff, but I want to share an entry the dragon wrote recently concerning the boy, who has just learnt how to pee standing up...

It's too big to put in the text, so click here.

I thought it was funny.

There's No God, Probably

Check out this story about a transvestite truck driver. I honestly don't have any strong feelings about transvestites. Whatever flicks your switch. I'm a live and let live type of guy. I can't claim that I understand why any man would do it though. By that I mean, I can understand men wanting to look like women, kind of. Women are nice to look at, mostly. In general however, and I mean this in a caring way, a man wearing a dress looks like a Laura Ashley warthog. I suppose I'm correct in assuming that the average transvestite is not going for the Janet Reno look. If I had a hankering to look like a woman, I can imagine throwing on an experimental frock and slingbacks, but if I found Roseanne Barr staring back at me from the full length mirror, I'd put my chinos back on and chalk it up to experience.

I don't mean to be disrespectful to the person in the story by the way. I'm very sorry you were treated badly. I just don't understand why you wear a dress. And if it makes any difference, I also have trouble understanding people who wear bluetooth headsets when they don't need hands free facilities, like in the supermarket. Can't you people put the phone to your ear? Why do want to go around looking like a special-needs child, talking to yourself? You surely can't believe people think you look cool because you have a chunk of plastic sticking out of your head, do you?

I was intrigued to see in the news today that the British Humanist Association (BHA) is intending to organise a poster campaign in London. Large posters are to appear on the side of London buses bearing the message, "There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life." Interesting that the word "probably" has been used I feel. If this campaign goes ahead, and I hope it does, it will be fascinating to see what reactions they cause. I'm betting some bus drivers will refuse to drive their buses.

Professor Stephen Brown of Ulster University has this week published some of the most pointless research I've ever seen. He claims that Harry Potter readers fall into four categories that can be associated with the four Hogwarts houses. Bloody amazing isn't. This twerp gets paid to come up with this tripe.

According to Brown I am a Hufflepuff because I re-read the books. I am a Gryffindor because I am eager and energetic to devour the latest book. I am a Ravenclaw because I take each [book] with a pinch of salt, which I assume applies to just about everyone excpet those psychos who believe in flying broomsticks. And I am not a Slytherin - hurrah.

Prof Brown said: "What we noticed was that the different types of readers were incredibly close to the characteristics of the four houses in the books. It was surprising but it made sense". It was surprising and it made sense did it? You haven't got a brain cell to scratch your arse with have you? What are you a professor of? Oh I see, marketing, that would explain it. Moving on...

Yet another story has emerged today about cows farting methane and causing global warming. Why do these studies always come from embarrassingly unqualified people? This one comes from Dr Andy Thorpe. He sounds like he's qualified doesn't he, until you find out he's an economist. Why don't you piss off and count some beans Dr. Thorpe, you're annoying me. The economy is in pretty crap shape, is that why you bailed out and became a hobby biologist? Anyway, I still want to know why cow farting is a problem. Cows don't produce the methane, the vegetation breaking down in their gut does, and if it didn't break down in the cow gut, it would rot on the floor and break down. It doesn't make any difference. Prove me wrong, I dare you, go on.

I just tossed this idea around the office. I admit we don't have any biologists that I know about, but we're crawling with PhD scientists. I could hit at least four with a stapler from my desk during office hours. So far not one of them has disagreed with me about my cow farting theory. In fact Curious George (Maths PhD) went away muttering and scratching his head, didn't come back for hours.

Oh, one other thing; I found out today that tax returns have to be completed by the end of the month, and of course I haven't done mine. So I called the tax office and told them I didn't think I'd been sent the paperwork. In fact I thought I probably had the paperwork but lost it. Long one short - turns out they didn't send me any paperwork because, wait for it, I don't have to fill one in anymore - RESULT!

Seduction

OK, I am so sick of the economy and politics. This is going to be a completely non-political entry.

This is a good story to start with. A 40-year-old woman from Stockton-on-Tees was convicted of having sex with a 14-year-old boy, but got away with a suspended sentence because the judge concluded that she was "seduced" by the boy.

Seduce - Lure or entice away from duty, principles, or proper conduct. (Word Web definition).

So that makes it OK? I mean, if a 40-year-old man was "lured or enticed" by a 14 year old girl, that would be a mitigating factor would it? I can't see that defence working particularly well for, oh I don't know, Gary Glitter for example.

On the other hand, this story seems to suggest that the best defence if you happen to be a 39-year-old man, caught red-handed, naked in bed with a 15-year-old schoolgirl, is to swear blind you weren't actually doing anything. The defining quote for me was, "A court heard Carter denied there was anything going on between them even though he had no clothes on".

I started this entry thinking I would be able to prove beyond any shadow of a doubt that female paedophiles get treated more leniently than males, but I think I may have changed my mind on that one.

Moving on...

Apparently King Goodwill Zwelithini, of the Zulus is getting upset about western tourists taking pictures of "maidens' bottoms" at the annual reed dance. This of course requires some explanation. It would appear that the King chaoses his wives from among the virgin dancers that perform at the reed dance every year. Oh to be the Zulu king. What was I saying? Oh yeah, the virgins dance for the King every year wearing nothing but beads and short fringed skirts. Photography is supposed to be restricted, but apparently pervy Europeans are snapping away with gay abandon and the King is not pleased. So from now on the virgins are being urged to wear something to cover their bottoms.

Two things are worth mentioning here. First, although the King seems to object to the exhibitionist element of the ceremony, the ladies appear quite anxious to advertise the goods. "Zulu girls are said to be angry at being told to cover up because they are losing the chance to show off their virginity in the customary way". Does that sound backwards to anyone else? Second, it's nice to see that the Telegraph report is accompanied by a gratuitous close-up of a maiden's bottom.

I was quite taken with the headline Vicar sent a dead hedgehog to herself as part of a fake hate campaign, though the story itself is really not as great as you might imagine. It seems that Methodist minister, Rev Janet Magee, 62, attempt4ed to fit-up some of her church leadership colleagues after it emerged that not all of them wanted her to stay on in the post. She didn't do it very well (allegedly) however. After initially arresting the wrong guy and releasing him without charge, the police turned their investigation to the Rev Magee. The trial continues.

Anorak

Girlfriend of Prince William, Kate Middleton, has been photographed using her mobile phone while driving. Now this strikes me as potentially embarrassing for someone. The law states quite clearly that using a mobile phone while driving is illegal. It's a specific offence. I don't understand why it had to be made a specific offence. There is already a "dangerous driving" law, and a "driving without due care and attention" law. Surely either could be used to prosecute the user of a mobile phone, depending on the circumstances, but I digress. The fact is, she broke the law and a picture of her breaking the law does appear to have made it into just about every national daily newspaper.

Ok, so it's not a big issue right? For instance, Princess Anne has been to court over her dogs eating small children or something, and I'm sure that she wasn't the first, and won't be the last royal to fall foul of the law. As I remember, she was treated much like anyone else, and fined. So what is the problem with Kate Middleton? I'll tell you. The penalty for driving while using a mobile phone is up to two years in prison. The prison term is not mandatory of course, but it's been well publicised and everyone is expecting stiff sentences for offenders.

So, what will the authorities do? Will they arrest Ms Middleton and fingerprint her like a common criminal? Will she have to face a judge and what will the sentence be? There will be howls of protest from Daily Mail readers if she receives anything less than a custodial sentence. The Sun will claim in bold letters across the front page something along the lines of, "Will's bird escapes cage", right next to a picture of her skirt blowing up as she gets out of a car.

What gets me about the report in the Telegraph is the comment from, "Roger Vincent, spokesman for the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents". You can almost see his anorak can't you. He says, "Drivers are four times more likely to crash if they are on their mobiles". Sir, you just made that figure up, or you simply repeated what some other prat told you. How can you possibly measure how much more likely someone is to have an accident when they are talking on the phone? You need to know how likely an accident is before you can tell how much more likely the same accident is with a single different variable - knob-head. Oh how I hate meaningless statistics.

Scratching his arse

Gordon Brown visited Swindon on 10 Oct and spoke of tough times ahead.

Speaking in Paris this weekend, Gordon said he believes confidence in the banking system will be restored by global action "in the next few days". And the King of the pixies will dance in the garden of eternal sunshine.

OK, I made up the thing about the King of the pixies, but the man clearly doesn't know if he's winding his arse or scratching his watch does he?

Somehow I just didn't get around to writing here last week. I think the problem was the fact that there was so much political stuff going on that I was in danger of simply writing a series of rants, so I wrote nothing instead. It has been suggested that the current economic crisis has given Gordon Brown a popularity boost, much like the Falklands war did for Mrs Thatcher. I think the general feeling is that the PM is benefiting, but the government is not. And, as Nick Robinson pointed out, guiding us successfully through a conflict is not the same as damage limitation in an economic crisis. Gordon does however appear to be enjoying himself.

There will be a by election in Glenrothes on 6 Nov. The Conservatives don't have a chance of winning, but the Scottish Nationalists are expected to do well. It's considered a Labour safe seat. If Labour loses, it would be a major blow to the government.

Other political stuff that has happened sinc I last wrote:

Tony Blair, the corrupt liar that left office a year ago, has been caught with his hand in the sweety jar again. It seems he lied about his involvement with the Formula 1 exemption from tobacco advertising ban.

It has emerged that corrupt scum bag Peter Mandleson is receiving a six-figure sum for giving up his job as EU commissioner!? That's in addition to his six-figure salary as an unelected cabinet minster. And of course, his four years of hard work in Europe also entitles his to a pension. Oh, and he gets preferential tax rates because he wa a Euro minister?! You couldn't make that up, it's too ridiculous.

The 42-day detention plan goes to the House of Lords today, and it's going to be thrown out - Hurrah! There was talk of Brown trying to lever it in through the back door using the Parliament Act, but it aint going to happen people, trust me, it's dead.

I Hope it Hurts

China is terribly upset with the US and has cancelled "military and diplomatic exchanges", due to an arms deal with Taiwan. The US is Taiwan's biggest arms supplier, and China doesn't like it at all.

It emerged yesterday that Perter Mandleson has had a clandestine meeting with shadow chancellor George Osbourne on a Greek island. If reports are to be believed, he was jolly rude about his new Boss Gordon Brown. See, he's only been in the job two days and he's already causing trouble. Oh and he has kidney stones apparently. I hope they hurt.

Bank shares have taken a huge dive this morning after it emerged that Alistair Darling had been meeting with bank bosses to discuss fund raising. Well that was a roaring success then. Royal Bank of Scotland seems to have fallen over 30%.

Did you see the ex-Lehmans boss being quizzed yesterday by Congress yesterday? He told us how sorry he was and how he couldn't sleep at night, and how he had no intention of giving back the half billion dollars he was paid in the 12 months up to the point where he sank the company and everyone's savings. My heart bleeds for him. I wish I was that unlucky.

The hot news at the moment however is that the UK government is about to make a statement outlining a financial rescue plan. The figure being thrown about is £50 billion. The big question being of course, where is the money coming from? More news about that tomorrow. I feel a rant coming on.

The Prince of Darness Has Returned

Peter Mandelson is to return to government. I know this won't mean anything to anyone outside Britain, or at least Europe, but it's quite astonishing news. The man is one of the most universally disliked politicians on earth. He was thrown out of the Blair cabinet twice, and then given an EU commissioner post. Now Brown is taking him back. He isn't an MP though, so they have to give him a seat in the LOrds to do it. As if that wasn't enough, it was widely thought that Brown and Mandelson hated each other. Almost everyone else does. Prescott disliked him so much he even gave up trying to hide it while he was in cabinet.

This is madness on so many levels, I don't know where to start. Mandelson was at one time hailed (by his own party) as a hero for being the architect of New Labour. But New Labour is hardly fashionable now. He's more likely to be blamed for it than revered. It emerged a few years ago that he was a closet homosexual. No one cared that he was gay, but somehow the fact that he had tried to hide it went against him. I remember Matthew Parris 'accidentally' outing him on live tv. Jeremy Paxman was conducting the interview and was utterly floored by it. Parris is also gay and clearly hated Mandelson.

Matthew Parris is to me something of a hero after saying this of Tony Blair:

I believe Tony Blair is an out-and-out rascal, terminally untrustworthy and close to being unhinged. I said from the start that there was something wrong in his head, and each passing year convinces me more strongly that this man is a pathological confidence-trickster. To the extent that he ever believes what he says, he is delusional. To the extent that he does not, he is an actor whose first invention — himself — has been his only interesting role.

I wish I had written that.

Anyway, there is a lot of speculation as to what the re-hiring of Mandelson means. Most papers are simply calling Brown a nutter, but Nick Robinson of the BBC, as usual, has a different angle. He claims that Mandelson has teamed up with Tony Blair and Alistair Campbell, and that they have come to drag Gordon Brown's knackers out of the fire; the four horsemen of the Labour Apocalypse. Surely the public won't fall for it twice, will they? No, they can't. Labour has just slipped another two points in the polls, which puts them 12% behind the Tories. And that was a poll for the Guardian.

It seems that the cow in the Home Office is slightly upset this morning after the new London Mayor elbowed her Police Commissioner out of office. She has suggested, in fairly aggressive tones, that Mad Boris did not go through official channels to remove bottom feeding scum, Ian Blair. She says the MPA has to come to her if they want the chief removed. I don't think she has a case. Boris fronts the MPA and told Blair that the MPA would go to the cow in the Home Office with a vote of no confidence, or he could resign. He resigned. Sounds like official channels to me.

Jack the Ripper

The boy went for his first music lesson today. It's a toddlers sing and play club or something. I've not spoken to him, but I've had a telephone report from Mummy. Apparently he cried when they sang the goodbye song because he didn't want to go. I guess that means he liked it. That's good because Daddy shelled out £40 for 10 classes and I don't suppose it's refundable.

The Sun is reporting today that Gary Glitter has been thrown out of his new Mayfair home by his landlord because other tenants don't like living next to a paedophile. You can't always believe what is written in the Sun of course. Yesterday they reported that MP Limpit Opek was going to appear in the next series of Celebrity Big Brother. That turned out to be tripe. Wonder where Mr Glitter is going to go now then. He's been banned from leaving the country.

I found out fairly recently that someone I used to work quite closely with is a convicted paedophile. He was busted by Operation Ore. I used to sit opposite him when I worked for the World's No. 1 Building Society. Turns out he had a hoard of thousands of dodgy pictures. He never went to jail. I think he got a suspended sentence. He left that foul office about six months before I did. He was a bit weird, but I quite liked him. Never would have thought he was downloading kiddie pics. Which just goes to show you, or something.

David Cameron made his Conference speech yesterday. It was without substance. The guy is obviously playing it safe. I can't decide whether it is a wise move or not. He can't be accused of delivering a negative or aggressive speech, but he is being criticised again for not making pledges or outlining firm policy.

It looks very much like Met Police Commissioner Sir Ian Blair is to step down. I have no idea how the clown has managed to stay in the job so long. As I write this the BBC is reporting that a statement is to be made later today, though it only hints at what that statement may be. The Telegraph is already forecasting Sir Ian's resignation as is the Guardian. There is currently an investigation in progress into the bungled shooting of the wrong man at Stockwell tube station, which Blair has already been heavily, and quite rightly in my view, criticised for.

I'm personally overjoyed to see the slimebag go (if indeed he is), but I am doubly happy because this will be yet another embarrassment for the Home Office. That cow Jacqui Smith did everything she could to prevent him being ousted, and it now looks very much like she has failed, good! Blair is also being investigated about dodgy contracts awarded by the Met to a company owned by a skiing friend of his.

And, a related interesting fact; it seems that no Commissioner has resigned the post since 1890, when James Munro stepped down after failing to catch Jack the Ripper.

More news about Ian Blair is seaping out as I type this. It would appear that Boris Johnson, Mayor of London is behind this. Mad Bad Boris has recently become chairman of the Metropolitan Police Association and he clearly doesn't like Sir Ian. Well, no one likes Sir Ian except that skiing buddy who received £3 million worth of contracts from the Met which Sir Ian assures us were entirely proper and above board. He has been threatening a vote of no confidence from the MPA. Actually only the cow in the Home Office is able to sack the guy, but a vote of no confidence from the MPA would force her hand.

Past Mortem

Tuesday

I've started reading Past Mortem, by Ben Elton. I've never read any Ben Elton novel before, but I'm getting quite into it. I have a problem with Ben Elton. I am in no doubt that the guy is a very clever and talented man. One only has to look at his past work on such things as Black Adder to confirm that. But he's a socialist, so he has only my grudging respect. He seems to have a knack of coming up with iconic pieces.

Anyway, Past Mortem is a novel about a Police Inspector that logs onto Friends Reunited and looking up a childhood girlfriend. I don't really know what happens after that, I'm only 50 pages in. But, it was a book recommended to me by that ex-girlfriend I met in Starbucks a couple of weeks ago after a 25 year gap. And I don't know whether I mentioned it, but we met up again after a Friends Reunited contact. So, I'll keep you posted on that. I'm racing through this book because I want to start "Steamboat Gothic" which was the 1952 book I picked up at the second hand sale the other day.

I see that the Us has trashed the Bush plan for buying bad debt. The British tax payer is however bailing out the Bradford and Bingley mortgage business. I don't understand why the US gets to decide whether or not to they go ahead with a national rescue plan, and the British just get what they're given.

The government has been releasing prisoners in England and Wales up to 18 days early to reduce prison crowding. No one except the government and the felons ever thought it was a very good idea, but they did it anyway. Now it would appear that 1,244 of those freed were called back to prison for breaking the conditions of their release and, wait for it, 111 didn't come back. That would be just under 10%. I'm amazed the other 90% came back. Seriously, what happens, do they get a phone call from the prison asking them if they wouldn't mind coming back?

Wednesday

Mother tells me that I am wrong about venison. It is farmed in this country, unless it is poached. So it's just as unethical as any other meat I guess.

David Cameron has made his conference speech. I think he played it safe. It went down well, but it wasn't a performance of earth shattering significance. I wonder what he opinion polls will say tomorrow.