There's No God, Probably

Check out this story about a transvestite truck driver. I honestly don't have any strong feelings about transvestites. Whatever flicks your switch. I'm a live and let live type of guy. I can't claim that I understand why any man would do it though. By that I mean, I can understand men wanting to look like women, kind of. Women are nice to look at, mostly. In general however, and I mean this in a caring way, a man wearing a dress looks like a Laura Ashley warthog. I suppose I'm correct in assuming that the average transvestite is not going for the Janet Reno look. If I had a hankering to look like a woman, I can imagine throwing on an experimental frock and slingbacks, but if I found Roseanne Barr staring back at me from the full length mirror, I'd put my chinos back on and chalk it up to experience.

I don't mean to be disrespectful to the person in the story by the way. I'm very sorry you were treated badly. I just don't understand why you wear a dress. And if it makes any difference, I also have trouble understanding people who wear bluetooth headsets when they don't need hands free facilities, like in the supermarket. Can't you people put the phone to your ear? Why do want to go around looking like a special-needs child, talking to yourself? You surely can't believe people think you look cool because you have a chunk of plastic sticking out of your head, do you?

I was intrigued to see in the news today that the British Humanist Association (BHA) is intending to organise a poster campaign in London. Large posters are to appear on the side of London buses bearing the message, "There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life." Interesting that the word "probably" has been used I feel. If this campaign goes ahead, and I hope it does, it will be fascinating to see what reactions they cause. I'm betting some bus drivers will refuse to drive their buses.

Professor Stephen Brown of Ulster University has this week published some of the most pointless research I've ever seen. He claims that Harry Potter readers fall into four categories that can be associated with the four Hogwarts houses. Bloody amazing isn't. This twerp gets paid to come up with this tripe.

According to Brown I am a Hufflepuff because I re-read the books. I am a Gryffindor because I am eager and energetic to devour the latest book. I am a Ravenclaw because I take each [book] with a pinch of salt, which I assume applies to just about everyone excpet those psychos who believe in flying broomsticks. And I am not a Slytherin - hurrah.

Prof Brown said: "What we noticed was that the different types of readers were incredibly close to the characteristics of the four houses in the books. It was surprising but it made sense". It was surprising and it made sense did it? You haven't got a brain cell to scratch your arse with have you? What are you a professor of? Oh I see, marketing, that would explain it. Moving on...

Yet another story has emerged today about cows farting methane and causing global warming. Why do these studies always come from embarrassingly unqualified people? This one comes from Dr Andy Thorpe. He sounds like he's qualified doesn't he, until you find out he's an economist. Why don't you piss off and count some beans Dr. Thorpe, you're annoying me. The economy is in pretty crap shape, is that why you bailed out and became a hobby biologist? Anyway, I still want to know why cow farting is a problem. Cows don't produce the methane, the vegetation breaking down in their gut does, and if it didn't break down in the cow gut, it would rot on the floor and break down. It doesn't make any difference. Prove me wrong, I dare you, go on.

I just tossed this idea around the office. I admit we don't have any biologists that I know about, but we're crawling with PhD scientists. I could hit at least four with a stapler from my desk during office hours. So far not one of them has disagreed with me about my cow farting theory. In fact Curious George (Maths PhD) went away muttering and scratching his head, didn't come back for hours.

Oh, one other thing; I found out today that tax returns have to be completed by the end of the month, and of course I haven't done mine. So I called the tax office and told them I didn't think I'd been sent the paperwork. In fact I thought I probably had the paperwork but lost it. Long one short - turns out they didn't send me any paperwork because, wait for it, I don't have to fill one in anymore - RESULT!