Bamboo to scale

It's Friday, it's 3.30pm, and I should be writing a software manual. But I'm not, obviously. But that's the thing about being a writer. Very few people in the office know what you actually do, and everyone assumes you must be working if you're typing. And even if someone does come past and notice that I am in fact typing words in Notepad or Word, it doesn't look out of place, unlike those people who are supposed to be writing code. Though I have a suspicion that not all the code I see on screens round here is in fact what it appears to be at forst glance.

I've had a request to publish some more bamboo jungle pictures with people in to provide scale. Good point, I have some, and here they are:





There may be some more at home in the Dragon's collection. I'll have a look when I get back. In case you can't tell from the pictures, I'd say that the bamboo there was probably 15m high, and as thick as my arm.

I've made them the right width this time, so those people who noticed pictures falling off the edge of the page when viewing at dongxi.org, they should now be back in the frame.

While I thnk of it, I've been waffling on about Sir Fred Goodwin the failed banker this week and how he should be handing back the vast pension he made off with. Well, it's been suggested in the Telegraph that violence isn't the answer, and they're probably right. So, stealing back Fred's cash has been turned into a flash game, so have a play here, and get even peacefully.

Ridiculous Pictures

Look at this tripe in the Telegraph about a "Ghostly figured dressed in Victorian clothes" captured by Google street view. According to the article, the figure, "dressed in long skirt, crisp blouse, bow tie, blue boater hat and scarf appears to be shimmering above the pavement".

Here's my analysis:



I'm intrigued by the statement, "A ghostly figure dressed in Victorian clothes was filmed on Google Street View - before vanishing into thin air". I can't see how you can establish this vanishing act from a still photo, or was that statement simply pulled out of your arse?

An important thing to note is that there is a huge amount of distortion in the picture, probably due to several images being spliced together, all taken from different angles. That's why we see bollards leaning at freaky angles, cut in half, inconsistent shadows etc. I'm guessing the woman appears in one of the images, but not the others. That's why we can't see her feet on the pavement. The photo in which she does appear cuts her off just above the knee. She is not "shimmering above the pavement".

There is further distortion provided by Google blurring. I don't know how anyone can see a blue boater and a bow tie. All I can see is a smudge. As for the "crisp blouse", all you can see is a strip of white. It could be a t-shirt, a sweater, a lycra bathing costume, or a kevlar vest. She does appear to be wearing a jacket that falls below her waist, and a scarf. Where you get the idea of it being Victorian dress is beyond me, but there you go.

Finally, there is further blurring in the foreground. It could be camera-shake, a focus problem, automatic face/number-plate blurring gone wrong, or any number of other things. I suspect it is not ectoplasm.

The Telegraph really ought to know better. This is the second ridiculous photo claim story that has appeared this week. I saw this reportwhich claimed that someone had captured UFO pictures from the 16th floor of a London office building on Monday I think. Here's the picture.



You took that picture through a window didn't you? And those are not UFOs are they? No, they are reflections of the ceiling lights behind you, aren't they, knob-head!

You want another one? OK, here you are...



This is another Google Street View picture, this time from New Jersey, clearly showing "an alien". I have serious doubts about the future of mankind.

Schadenfreude

The home of banking failure Sir Fred (the Shred) Goodwin has been vandalised. Several windows appear to have been smashed and someone has lobbed a solid object at some speed into the rear window of his S600 Mercedes causing a loss of dimensional integrity. It's difficult to feel any sympathy for the guy. He's been a leading candidate for the position of "most unpopular person in Christendom" since it was revealed that he was being paid a pension of around £700K a year by the bank he ruined only a few months previously. Other contenders for the title of course include Harriet Harman, Gordon Brown, Jacqui Smith, Mandleson of course, and oh the rest of the cabinet really. For me the honour has to go to Jacqui Smith, but it could go any number of ways if put to a referendum.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, Sir Fred; in case you have been living on the moon, Sir Fred was chief exec of RBS and had the brilliant idea of buying ABN Amro for some ridiculous sum of money just as the credit crunch bomb was about to drop. The cries of "Don't do it you knob!" were still ringing in his ears as everything went bosoms-up and RBS had to have its knackers dragged out of the fire by the tax payer to the tune of £20 billion. RBS subsequently posted a record loss of £24 billion and it was suggested that Sir Fred might like to take early retirement.

He probably could have walked away from RBS merely thoroughly disliked by most of the population had he not managed to negotiate the huge pension before he left. The pension required RBS, by then 70% state owned, to top up his pension fund with another enormous sum. What was it, £16 million? Remember, RBS would have sunk without trace and Fred would have been left with without pot to piss in or indeed a window through which to throw it, had the government not come galloping to the rescue with tax payers' money. Oh yes, he also managed to take a lump sum of £3 million before he left as part of the package, which astoundingly RBS paid the tax on! So, instead of being simply disliked intensely, he is now pretty much universally loathed.

But back to the original story, because there is some irony I want to point out here. Although most people probably found it quite difficult to surpress a smile over breakfast this morning as they learnt that Sir Fred's double glazing and car had changed shape, it has to be remembered that now, in addition to the gazillions he's already cost the tax payer, he's got his own state funded policeman guarding his house. I say we repossess his house, and give him £60 a week job seekers allowance.

A gang calling themselves "bank bosses are criminals" appears to have claimed responsibility for the attacks. They sent emails to the local papers it seems. They must be the jury in the court of public opinion.

Sunrise Over Jade Mountain - Pictures

Very quickly, here are a few pictures from our Taiwan trip. These were all taken on Ali Shan moutain. It was a great couple of days, but it was hard work with a two year old, and there wasn't much time for sleep. I'll tell you all the story some other time.



The 100 year old mountain railway, which is alarmingly unsafe looking, took us way up into Ali Shan mountain. One stretch of track was unsafe due to a landslide, so we had to hike through the jungle for that part.



The bamboo jungle halfway up the mountain.



Japanese Cherry blossom.



Sunrise over Jade mountain, as viewed from Ali Shan. It was some ungodly hour of the morning, but it was spectacular.



I just like this picture of the boy.

Sleaze!

Oh there is so much grotty politics in the news today. The row about MP's expenses just won't go away, and quite rightly so. Over the weekend it emerged that Tony McNulty, the employment minister has been claiming expenses on a second home in which he hasn't lived for some time. It would appear that although he does own the property, it is occupied by his parents. He did live there, with his parents at one time it seems, but has since moved to another address with his new wife. His new address is just 11 miles from parliament, and 8 miles from his other home. His constituency is Harrow East. I reckon I could spit on Westminster from there, why does he need a second home?

He states that his 'second home' is a base for his constituency work, and he has stopped claiming expenses for it since January, when mortgage rates dropped so low that he could afford to pay for the mortgage on that property without assistance. Opposition parties have pointed out that a second home allowance isn't there to provide a base for constituency work, it's to provide a second home for ministers who's constituencies are too far away from London to commute. Of course, it's a complete coincidence that he stopped claiming this allowance just as Jacqui Smith got caught doing exactly the same thing.

Ken Clarke has dropped a bollock by telling everyone that the Tories "aspire" to scrapping inheritance tax, but it was no longer a pledge. He was later forced to issue a statement confirming that it was still a pledge after all. Nonce, I have no idea why this clown has a shadow cabinet position. He doesn't seem to be in tune with any Tory policies.

But my favourite story of the day is about a report from the Joseph Rowntree Reform Trust which claims at least a quarter of government databases are illegal, including the DNA database which hold records of 500,000 people never convicted of anything. The government has shrugged it off, but it won't stop here.

And I just want to mention Google Street View, which has just gone live in 25 cities in UK. I can't say I exactly have strong feelings about this, though I have no idea why anyone would want to use such a totally pointless service. However, it is controversial and there are privacy issues at stake here. It may, or may not, be illegal but on balance I have to say I think it is unethical. I've been arguing about this with friend Dickie for several days. He says that since pictures are taken in public there can't be an ethical issue. Anything that appears in the pictures are already in the public domain. I say it isn't the taking of pictures that is the issue, it's the publishing.

Here's my angle. I say if there is someone taking pictures of their child riding a bicycle in my street and my house, car, or family end up in the background, no problem. Even if they put the pictures on their family website, I'm not going to complain. If they publish those pictures somewhere in such a way that people can look them up and place the images at an exact point on the map, I start to get concerned.

I also have worries about people being caught in these pictures doing things perfectly legal, but perhaps embarrassing. Let's say one of these pictures shows a man, dressed as a woman. He hasn't got around to telling his wife yet that he spends some weekends in a dress and she recognises him on the internet. Or, lets say a picture shows a young man walking into a gay bar, or a sex shop, and someone he knows recognises him. These type of picture could conceivably cost people marriages or jobs. And I know what you're shouting, faces are blurred right? It doesn't work!

Another thing, I got propositioned by a lady of the night in a local red light area recently. How would you feel if your car was photographed in the red light area, with a half dressed female waving through the window at you? Could look bad even if you were there for perfectly legitimate reasons! And I know they blur number plates, but that doesn't work either and lets face it, you don't always need to see the number to identify the car.

So, I think I am basically opposed to Google Street View.

Passion

My passion for writing rubbish every day has died. Actually, that isn't really true. I think the passion is still there, it's probably more a question of time. Until fairly recently I've not been particularly stretched at work. It was easy to find half an hour or more to place letters on a page. My company has shed some staff however, and I am now doing what was two jobs up until February. It's not a big issue. I can fit it all in. It's just more difficult to find time to waste. On the plus side, I'd much rather be busy than under utilised.

I have pictures of our Taiwan trip that I want to share. I haven't sorted them all out yet. In fact, I haven't sorted them out at all. I used to be the team photographer, but that role now appears to have been taken on by the dragon. I could of course carry on taking pictures, but for some reason, I take very few these days. The long and the short is, I have to ask the dragon where the pictures are each time I want to post them up here, and I haven't done so yet for the Taiwan pictures. Honestly, I'll try and do it this weekend. She's a much better photographer than me anyway, so although you have to wait, it's probably worth it.

This weekend is the boy's birthday. He will be three. How did that happen?! There will be cake, candles, hats, presents, cards etc. I want to take him on the steam train, but I don't know that it will happen. He's going to start nursery next month.

We're currently trying to get the house fixed up. You may remember that I renovated our disgusting bathroom while the dragon was away without me and that means really only decorating is required to make our home all lovely. I've also been investigating the possibility of converting the loft into another bedroom. We actually did speak to someone about it six months ago, but I didn't take it any further because he wanted drawings and planning permission and all sorts of things. However, another chap came round yesterday and he seems more positive about what can be done and seems quite keen to do it. Anyway, I'm quite excited about it all.

Apparently the Radio 1 Big Weekend (I'm too old and square to know what this is) is coming to Swindon in May. I didn't care when I read the news, but I also read that Broccoli Spears may also come as part of the package. Now I'm no fan of Broccoli, but even I realise she's just about the biggest star on earth, and I will be attempting to get hold of some tickets. Apparently they're free, and last year 500,000 people applied for 40,000 tickets. However, I'm in with a better than evens chance because, I have a Swindon postcode and they give residents preference. Of course, the Brit thing could all be cobblers. It was reported in the Sun, a publication not ofte commended for its accurate and balanced journalism.

Creepy

And so we embark upon a new week. The sun is shining here in Oxford, which can be no bad thing, except I am sitting behind a desk, looking at the sun through a window. This is made all the more frustrating because I'm working on a network that appears to be constructed from original wiring by Edison. Email in particular appears to be beyond the capabilities of the infrastructure this morning. Good old notepad. You can rely on notepad. It's one of those things that simplifies this overcomplicated world in which we live.

What can we expect this week then? Well, Joseph Fritzl, the Austrian cellar perv, is on trial and has already pleaded guilty to dozens of charges, though not murder it seems. This strikes me as odd. The man is going to spend the rest of his life in prison, surely there is no question of any other outcome. Why would he bother trying to get away with one charge? I could understand him pleading not guilty to everything, but just one charge, what's the point of that?

The chief medical officer has unveiled plans that would essentially make booze more expensive in Britain in an effort to reduce binge drinking. There are so many reasons why this is an appalling idea, but the funny thing is, all the politicians are basically in favour of raising the price of booze because they want the extra tax revenue it would yield. However, the plan is destined to be so unpopular with the public, that no politician has got the balls to actually support it.

The public aren't stupid. Everyone has realised that the cupboard is bare and therefore two things have to happen; taxes will go up, and public spending will go down. It seems to me very strange that politicians don't just say it.

Those crazy Japanese have created a scary girl robot that looks just real enough to be creepy, and just synthetic enough to be, well creepy. Look at this.

I haven't written properly here for weeks. I'm going to make an effort. I have pictures and everything.

Too many nutters

Yesterday the Ponce of Wales was waving his arms about and warning us all that we only have 100 months to act before the effects of climate change destroy the planet. Today he's in the news again over his "herbal detox tincture". It seems that if we all go out and buy a 50ml bottle of this stuff for 10 (from his Duchy Originals company) we can "help eliminate toxins and aid digestion". Must be pretty powerful stuff. I make that 1 per teaspoon. Well it is made from artichoke an dandelion.

Strangely enough, the attack on the Prince of Wales was launched by Prof. Edzard Ernst, the world's first professor of complimentary medicine. I had him down as a nutter the moment I read he was a professor of complimentary medicine, but actually he's quite a hoopy frood. He thinks homoeopathy is bunk and has challenged Ponce Charles in his book "Trick or Treatment". In fact the book was ironically dedicated to the Prince. The Palace has responded to the comments, calling them "unfortunate", but they now also face a separate investigation from the Advertising Standards Authority after a complaint from a different source. See also the Guardian report.

I've written to my local MP again. She must be getting used to it by now. Actually, she probably doesn't read anything I send her. Some monkey she employs probably just sends out standard replies. The current gripe is about trains again. First Great Western put their ticket prices up 6% this year. That's more than three times the rate of inflation, and they also made a 6% profit in the previous 12 months. Not only that, but they no longer give monthly season ticket holders a renewal discount. So, in real terms, my ticket has gone up from 200 to 235 per month overnight. That's a rise of 17.5%. Oh and m,y train was late today because they were "awaiting the arrival of a member of the train crew". Yes, they actually delayed my train by 20 minutes, making hudreds of people late for work, because one of their staff was late.

Sit Down and Secure Yourself

It should be a quieter week this week. I could even get a few minutes to write here. Did you see the last episode of Lost? Things are coming together at last. I almost knew what was going on last night.

Now, here is a hysterical story. You may have heard that British prisons are full, and in order to make space in them the government has decided that the best option is simply to let some of the scum bags out. Now, that to my mind is a fairly stupid idea. It's up there with asking Dracula to run a finishing school for girls. However, it gets better. Not only are we releasing murderers back into society, albeit with a special ankle bracelet and a stern warning not to rape or kill anyone, we're giving them money. No, seriously, we're actually letting violent criminals out of prison early and giving them money. And the reason we're giving them money is this...

(you may want to read the next line while seated, and secure yourself firmly)

... it's compensation for the fact that when released early they don't get the free board amd lodging that they would have enjoyed in prison.

I thought it was a joke when I read it.

I could cure the prison overcrowding problem overnight, all you have to do is lace the evening coffee with with something, I'm thinking cyanide, and clear away the bodies in the morning. The jails are empty and the sun rises on a world infinity more pleasant than the one of 24 hours earlier. This all ties in with my theory that an almost infinitely small number of people make the world a cess pit for the rest of us.

Good old Prince Charles has announced that we have less than "100 months" to save the world. It's not exactly clear where this figure of 100 months comes from, but obviously a brilliant scientist like the Prince of Wales will back it up with evidence and logical argument, even if it does currently sound like he just pulled the number out of his arse. It's all to do with deforestation in South America apparently. Anyway, I look forward to hearing his well balanced arguments and examining the facts he presents.

It turned into a busier day at work than I thought it would. Tomorrow may be different.

Back in Blighty

4 March

We've been back in Blighty since Friday evening. I still haven't quite got my body clock back in sync. I got up at 5.30 this morning and sorted out a WiFi problem on our home network. Well actually I didn't sort it, I merely identified the problem. I have to solve it some other time. But that is a tale too boring to relate here.

When I left London on Friday 13th Feb, there was still snow in the back garden. By the time I reached Banngkok the following morning, it was 30C, and humid I only stayed for an hour before continuing to Taipei. Taiwan was warm too, mid twenties, but comfortable. Our trip to Ali Mountain was the warmest day and temperatures did make it up into the thirties again there. I'll cover the Ali Mountain trip some other time.

5March

How strange it is to come back to an office after just two weeks away. Several hundred emails were waiting in my inbox of course, and there was a back log of work to clear. I am sitting here awestruck by the pointlessness of coming to an office to produce pages of figures that surely no one will ever read.

I had a bit of a stampy in the weekly meeting this afternoon. Once again I ended up last to speak, and by the time my turn came half the attenders were gone, and I had only a few minutes anyway. I'm going to start refusing to go to the damn meetings if they don't change the format.

There was an interesting programme on BBC two this week. It was an investigation into why people are embarrassed by nudity. I was of course drawn to it simply because it promised nudity. It was however a well conducted investigation by the Horizon programme. It seems that Darwinism is not able to provide easy answers to a lot of questions concerning human nudity. For instance, why are we without fur? Nearly all mammals have fur. It protects the skin and insulates them. One theory is that our large brains require superior cooling, which is why we sweat much more than other mammals, and sweating doesn't work well with fur, so we lost it. This could be linked to why we stood upright.

But all that doesn't explain why we feel shame at nakedness. There's another theory that human children require an enormous amount of care for a great deal of time. It is therefore in the interests of both parents that they remain together to share the burden of bringing children up. Failure to do so may result in a decreased chance of the children surviving to adulthood and passing on the genetic payload you see. That would be why we tend to mate for life, or at least long periods. If this is the case, it sort of makes sense that some things that could be perceived as sexual, like flirting, or dancing naked in front of someone, might be embarrassing or shameful due to some genetic predisposition.

See, told you it was interesting - wake up!

They are talking about quantitative easing today. The interest rate has dropped to almost nothing, and it doesn't appear to be encouraging people to spend. Odd isn't it that they are doing things to encourage people to spend and make it less profitable to save. I thought spending caused the debt that created this problem in the first place.

I'm tired. I'm going to bed.