Bad Start

The day didn't start well. Things started going wrong in the early hours of the morning in fact. The dragon has been coughing like a walrus and producing huge amounts of snot for some days now, which in turn seems to cause her to snore (and there's no polite way to say this) like a warthog. By about 2 am I decided I couldn't stand it any longer and evacuated to the boy's room which has a spare bed in it.

At around 7.30 am I managed to fall over a swivel chair in the dining room and throw a fried egg on the floor.

Upon leaving for work I discovered that I had no petrol, so at the petrol station at the end of my road, I pulled up to the pump, inserted my card in the machine, and then realised the pump was out of order. I then had to go through a horrifying process of voiding the transaction on my card before it would give it back to me. I then managed to impale my testicles on the open fuel flap thing as I replaced the nozzle in the pump. This resulted not only in eye-watering pain, some bad language, and a worsening of my mood, but I also bent the fuel flap which meant it wouldn't close and I had to drive to work looking like one of those idiots who's forgotten to close his fuel flap.

I pulled up to another pump only to find that it was "offline", which apparently means usable, but one has to pay the moron in the kiosk rather than use a card at the pump. I elected to do this rather than try a third one. I then got shouted at over the PA system by the kiosk moron because I was attempting to fill my tank with my car door open. What difference does it make? I was trying to listen to the news on the radio.

So, in summary; this morning, I've had no sleep, thrown egg on the carpet, been publicly mocked by a petrol pump and the moron in the petrol station kiosk. I've damaged my testicles, and bent the fuel flap on the car.

On a more positive note, I did successfully re-adjust (bend) the fuel flap back into place when I got to work. Though I even managed to set the car alarm off while doing that and frightened the bejesus out of myself in the process.

I'm working on the principle that things can only get better from here.

Anyway, enough of today, I've got stuff to tell you about the weekend. As you all know, the weekend technically begins on Friday at 5pm (plus journey time to nearest pub). Using that formula, I won a brand new Lamborghini Leggenda bicycle at exactly the moment the weekend began. How cool is that? I won it on the Raffle.it website. Proceeds go to charity, so even if you lose, you still feel quite good.

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On Saturday morning the boy asked me why men have nipples. Now I think that's an intelligent question for a 3-year-old, though I had no idea how to answer it. He seems to understand that women's nipples have a purpose, and has worked out for himself that men's nipples can't do the same thing. I toyed with the idea of trying to give him a sensible answer, but couldn't think of a way to explain it. I'm not exactly sure what the answer is myself actually. George at work says you can only explain in in Darwinian terms if you consider male and female to be different species. Anyway, in the end I was evasive and I said it's just because they look nice. I'm pleased to say he was happy with that answer for now.