Sex Robots and Self Defence

I have two things I want to talk about today; sex robots and self defence. I think we'll go with the sex robot first shall we:

According to the Daily Telegraph, the world's first sex robot has been developed and was unveiled at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas at the weekend. Almost every line of this article is hysterical, but I think I'm going to pick a few of my favourites to comment on and then sum up at the end:

"The dark-haired, negligee-clad, life-size robotic girlfriend comes complete with artificial intelligence and flesh-like synthetic skin."
I'm concerned about the "flesh-like" synthetic skin. Presumably the negligee is removable.

"Aspiring partners can customise her features, including race, hair colour and breast size."
So it comes with spray paint, wigs, and a foot pump?

"Coming with a laptop, the doll, priced between US$7,000 (£4,350) to US$9,000 (£5,993)."
Look, I'm not advocating the use of ladies of the night, but £5k will buy you a lot of time with the street walkers in my town, and you wouldn't need to pump their tits up first.

I think the most startling thing about this product is the attitude of the inventor, one Douglas Hines. The robot is apparently equipped with five personalities and is able to converse about football. Hines explains that, "She can't vacuum, she can't cook but she can do almost anything else if you know what I mean,” Gives you an insight into the personality of Mr Hines doesn't it.

I'm still thinking about this. I think I'm going to be coming back to this one in the next few posts. Read the whole article. It's worth it, really.

OK, self defence:

It seems that Myleene Klass has been admonished by the police for waving a kitchen knife at youths who were trying to break into her garden shed.

I think I need to mention here that I have a thing for Myleene. I mean, I wouldn't be unfaithful, don't get me wrong, but if she came rushing towards me naked, waving her knickers in the air yelling, "take me big boy , I'm yours", I would have to think about it for a moment or two. Chances are probably slim however. What was I saying? Oh yeah...

It seems that she saw some thugs breaking into her shed through the kitchen window, grabbed a knife and banged the window. So lets be quite clear about this, there was a sheet of glass between Myleene and the thugs. The police however apparently advised that carrying an "offensive weapon" – even in her own home – was illegal. I'll have to remember that next time I am chopping vegetables. Incidentally, what is an "offensive weapon" exactly? I could kill someone with a piano if I dropped it on them.

Another example of how the British police are more interested in criminals' rights than victims'. To be fair, the police are now saying that they never gave any official warnings or advice to Myleene over the incident. Makes you wonder why Myleene thinks they did though doesn't it?

OK, on to mundane things. Can everyone please say a quiet prayer to whichever god they bow to in an effort to prevent any more snow falling between now and 9pm tomorrow (UK time) because I have to drive the boy and the dragon to Heathrow and their flight is scheduled to leave at 9.30 or something. It would be very inconvenient if the flight was delayed or cancelled.