The battle of wounded knee

I haven't written here properly for ages. It's been a busy month at work and outside work too come to think of it. This month we've had fiends Andy and Vivian to stay, and cousin Silvia. All guests have gone now, but we have more coming at the start of August. Like I said, busy.

In addition to all that, my knee has swelled up like a balloon. I first noticed this last weekend. That would be the weekend of 18-19th. So I made an appointment with the doctor on Monday 20th. As usual I couldn't actually get to see the doctor for a week, so by the time I did see her, on Monday 27th, it was the size of a football. It didn't hurt though. The doctor confidently informed me that it was a cyst. In my usual blunt manner I asked her what a cyst was, and she told me it was a collection of fluid. Brilliant I thought, I could have told her that. Anyway, she offered to drain this cyst.

It gets a bit gory here.

She stuck a very large hypodermic needle into the swollen knee and sucked out about a gallon of bloody fluid. Then she held it up to the light and said, "hmm, wasn't expecting blood". Doctors should really think before they speak. This didn't fill me with any confidence at all. I'd spent the previous evening reading the family medical encyclopaedia and had already convinced myself that I was crippled with arthritis.

I tend to think of doctors, lawyers, and accountants as a separate breed of people with special powers. I think I would treat witches and wizards with the same kind of reverence if I was a muggle living in Harry Potter world. Point is, I will believe anything a doctor tells me without question because I consider that even a bad doctor probably has more knowledge about medicine than me, and the consequences of not believing my doctor are too awful to contemplate. It's the same with lawyers and accountants. But I digress...

So, picture the scene, she's looking at this fluid, deep in thought, and muttering things like, "I wonder if...", and "I suppose it could be...". And I'm thinking about writing a will. Eventually she decides to send it off for analysis, and I'm all for that because then some other super-human doctor can tell me something definite that I can believe. She also says I should see a knee specialist. Why do doctors all specialise in such specific things? I mean why don't you get knee and elbow doctors? They can't be that different. She also sends me for an x-ray and a blood test to make sure there's no broken bones or internal bleeding.

Apparently bloody fluid means that there is likely to have been some knee trauma. Well I don't remember any knee trauma recently. There is certainly something going on there though because although the swelling went right down to nothing when she sucked the fluid out, it went right back up like a water balloon 24 hours later.

So I went to the diagnostic radiology department this morning for my x-ray. I got there early thinking I'd be waiting for hours in a waiting room full of sick people. I had my laptop and book. Actually I was called very quickly. They have this funky system of changing cubicle things, all in a row. They ushered me into 8B and told me to remove my trousers and put on the robe, which I did, backwards as it turns out. I was expecting to have to come out of the cubicle in my robe to go to the x-ray room, but no, they have this secret door in the back of each cubicle which suddenly opens as you take off your robe to put it on the right way round, and it leads straight to the room itself. Lucky I was wearing underwear.

So the x-ray took all of 15 seconds and the bimbo who pressed the button told me it would take up to 10 days to get the results to my doctor. 10 Days!!!! Why don't you email it? I mean what is the issue? I could walk to the doctor with the blasted thing in an envelope under my arm in about an hour. Well I could if my knee wasn't doing an impersonation of Mr Greedy.

So I had my x-ray done, the next thing on the list is the blood test. So I went back to the doctors' surgery at 10.20 to be drained of blood. They were behind schedule and I didn't get out until maybe 11. Apparently my doctor is leaving to be an accident and emergency doctor. While I was there I decided to make a new appointment to see the doctor after my x-ray results come back. So I made an appointment for 12 Aug, and made a joke about grouse shooting which went completely over the head of the receptionist. I wasn't sure whether I needed to make the appointment since I'd been referred to the knee specialist anyway, but I figured I could cancel it if I wanted.

When I got back home I found a letter informing me how to make an appointment with the knee doctor. It's a very neat system. You can book our appointment on the interweb with the password they supply. Sadly, the waiting list to see the bloody knee doctor is 5 weeks apparently, so it's lucky I did make an appointment with the other doctor first.

So, that's where we are now. I have a swollen knee and I'm waiting on test results. I can't help thinking there are some jokes here about it costing an arm and a leg or something. I'll work on that.

Anyway, it's Wednesday and I'm going to try and write at least one more entry before the end of the week.

Oh, it was my birthday on Saturday, so thanks to everyone who sent birthday wishes on facebook. I didn't realise that it magically informed everyone of my age, but there you go.

Did you notice by the way that yet another study has concluded that organic food is no different to any other food? It makes me wonder how many studies will have to come to this conclusion before anyone starts believing it.

I'm going now, Psychoville tonight I think. Have a nice evening.