Triangulation

OK, let's talk about triangulation. I'll tell you why in a minute. In case you are wondering, triangulation is a term sometimes used to describe a process by which the source of a radio signal can be pinpointed using directional antennas and receivers. I speak about this with some authority, having passed my radio amateur exams some time ago. Stay with me, it's not as tedious as it sounds.

This is how it's done:

You take a receiver and fit it with a directional antenna. Directional antennas can take many forms, the most common of which is the yagi array, often used for terrestrial tv reception. This type of aerial will receive an RF signal from one direction only. In other words, it has to be pointing at the source of the signal to receive it. There are some other antennas that will receive RF from two directions. An example of this would be what I know as an RF loop antenna, which is essentially a circle of copper on a stick like a lollipop. This type of antenna receives RF in one plane, or two directions. In other words, the signal could be coming from in front or behind, you don't know which, but you can draw a line, and the source will be on that line.

Whatever type of aerial you use, you can't pinpoint the position of an RF source, you can only workout a direction. To actually pinpoint a source, you need to work out the direction of the source from two different points, and draw a line from each point towards the source. Where the lines cross you will find the source of your transmission. To make this simple, lets assume we are on an island, and we need to find the source of an RF signal somewhere else on the island. We have a receiver, and it's fitted with a yagi type antenna.



As can be seen from the diagram above, we have to stand at point A, work out the direction of the source signal, then walk to point B and repeat the process. We can then draw a line from both point A and point B in the direction of the source. Where the two lines cross, we will find the source of our signal.

You will note that we only need to do all this from two points on our island, and it doesn't have to be at the same time. Thus, we only need one receiver and antenna. No extra equipment is required. We do not need a transmitter, aerial amplifiers, or pixie dust.

You will note also, and this is important, that since it is an island, you don't even need to go to this trouble. If you stand anywhere on the coast with your back to the water, you can be fairly confident that the source is somewhere in front of you. In which case, you really only need to work out which direction the signal is coming from, and then start walking in that direction. Eventually you will trip over the source of your signal.

OK, here's where you find out why I'm telling you this...

Lost, series 1, episode 7, Sayid is trying to pinpoint the source of a radio signal that he has discovered on the island. It's been playing in an endless loop for 16 years, and he wants to investigate. Hey, so would I. So why is he poncing round the island fixing antennas in trees in three separate locations and sending up fireworks, when he could have just walked the line as I explained above?

When you consider that the Lost pilot episodes are reported to be the most expensive ever made, I heard $14 million, and they even went to the trouble of scrapping a 747 Jumbo and spreading it in pieces over a Hawaiian beach, why didn't they spend an hour talking to someone who at least had some idea of what triangulation is? I mean seriously, I wouldn't have even charged them for telling them they were spouting bullshit. What a load of old crap. I was really getting into it, and now it's just a joke. Is it just me?

Pawn

This week begins on Tuesday because Monday was a holiday. We went down to Devon for the weekend, which was most wonderful. I thought the traffic was going to be awful, but we loaded the car and set off on Friday evening, arriving around 11 pm. We met no serious traffic on the way. We set off back home again on Sunday evening while all the holiday plebs were sleeping off their lunchtime hangovers, and arrived back in Swindon without incident at around 11pm Sunday. Dumpy slept all the way in both directions, result!

I think the oldies were pleased to see their grandson and there was much cooing and fussing over him. He likes their home because there are dozens of interesting rooms and passageways to explore. He spent quite a long time picking apples out of a crate in a back room, and transporting them, one by one, to Grandma in the kitchen. Grandma was a good sport and expressed delight each time this happened, and we are talking about hundreds of times here.

He seems to be fascinated by so many things now. Spoons and toothbrushes seem of particular interest. He's also learnt how to flush the lavatory which is entertaining. He can't understand why he can't flush it twice in short succession. Incidentally he was found stirring up the lavatory water with both a spoon and his toothbrush while we were in Devon.

I got angry with the video recorder yesterday because it kept ejecting tapes as soon as they were inserted. I know, I should move on to less neolithic technology, but we watch so little tv that it doesn't seem worth it. Anyway. I was resigned to the fact that the damn thing was broken forever. It was the dragon that discovered and removed the plastic spoon that Dumpy had posted into the slot. It works again now. He's like a little squirrel hiding things away. I couldn't find my cell phone this morning, but it has since turned up under the bookcase.

One of the great things about having a Chinese speaking wife is that you can get her to translate Chinese character tattoos, which appear to be ubiquitous these days. I've turned this into something of a game to ease the boredom of supermarket shopping. Yesterday we were at the fish counter in Tesco when I saw two Chinese tattoos together on a husband and wife. You get double points for that. The dragon translated the male's tattoo, which was two characters, as Da-vid. That seems stupid, but understandable to me. She then surreptitiously moved behind the woman to translate her shoulder blade, and burst into fits of giggles.

It was a single character that I didn't even recognise. Apparently it was the Chinese word for "pawn", as in pawn shop, not the chess piece. I can't for the life of me guess what the hell she was aiming for, but she obviously got it wrong. You'd think these people would check with someone they trust before doing this wouldn't you? The dragon has been stopped by complete strangers looking for tattoo advice. She is always entirely honest. That's just the way she is. If it was me, I'd be having a little fun with these people.

I don't understand why anyone in the west would want a Chinese tattoo. Very few people know anything of the culture or language. Surely less than one person in a hundred would even recognise a single character; why would they decorate their skin with them? I wouldn't even think of a Chinese tattoo, and not only do I have some knowledge of the language and culture, I have a personal translator.

OK, tomorrow I'm going to give you all a lesson in radio direction finding and triangulation. There is a reason for this. Stay tuned.

Arse Wings

Thought for Thursady:

Is it just in Britain that the shops open only when one has absolutely no hope of getting to them? As I walk to work across town at 9 am, all the shops are coming to life. I walk past shoe shops, dry cleaners, department stores, kitchen shops, electrical retailers, bookshops. All of them are being unlocked by tired looking teenage girls with exposed midriffs, and those tattoos sprouting from the base of the spine that seem terribly popular now. My father calls them "arse wings". I suppose there is a recognised term, but I confess I don't know what it is. Incidentally, have you noticed how popular hose studs are again all of a sudden? Everyone had them in the 80s, then they went out of fashion. Now they suddenly seem to be the height of cool once more. But I digress...

I walk past these shops and I think to myself, "I must buy myself a new pair of shoes to go with those black trousers". But of course, I have a train to catch and I don't have time. And the point is, no one has any time at 9 am. Everyone is on their way to work, or getting their kids off to school, or if they don't have a job or kids, they're in bed. And ironically, when I walk past the same shops again at 6pm on my way back home, I do have time, but the teenage girls are by then lowering the shutters and talking excitedly on their mobile phones to boyfriends and girlfriends about where they should meet that evening.

It's the oddest thing I think. Why don't we let the teenagers have an extra two hours in bed? I bet the till in the shoe shop doesn't even open until lunchtime most days. Why not have them open at 11 am and close at 8pm. They can still get to the pub and party till 1. And they can then sleep until 10.30 the next day. Maybe they would drink a little less, have a proper breakfast, and we might even get better service.

The dragon seems to have found a new friend from the toddler group. That's not to say that her new friend is a toddler you understand, her friend is a toddler's mother of course. They seem to have found each other because they are both Chinese speakers. I suppose one should not be surprised that people with something in common seek each other out. I met her last night for the first time. She seems very nice, but her English is only about as good as my Chinese, which makes communication somewhere between difficult and hilarious. The new friend, I only know her Chinese name and I don't know how to write that in English, let's call her Sharon, it's a close approximation, suggested that we go to the Chinese fish seller together last night.

You need some background here. Firstly you have to realise that Chinese, and many neighbouring nations, don't really like fish that comes vacuum packed, filleted, skinned, descaled, and gutted. They like to see the whole thing, preferably still moving, before they judge whether it is a good buy. The Chinese fish seller comes to Swindon once every two weeks. He arrives in a fairly battered van, to a carpark, at around 7pm on Wednesdays. It is a fairly surreal scene. A carpark in the middle of Swindon is suddenly filled with several dozen oriental people, all speaking in their native languages, and waving fish around. I really hadn't expected to be the only white guy, but I was, apart from one other chap who, like me, was with an Asian woman. There were also a few Indian people.

Of course, as novices at purchasing fish from the back of a van, we elected to watch the old hands to get an idea of how it is done before doing anything that might possibly breach protocol. The first step appeared to be taking one's place in a fairly orderly line behind the van while the fish seller opened the rear door and pulled out a few plastic crates containing live crabs and other shellfish. I assumed that there was no hierarchy and that one's place in the line was simply determined by how fast one could get there. I'm not sure exactly what happened next. There may have been a verbal cue which I missed, but the people standing in the line suddenly surged forward as one, and I would guess about 50 people all attempted to get through a single door into a small van, already full of fish crates, at the same moment. I wouldn't call it pandemonium, but I wouldn't recommend letting anyone not equipped to look after themselves in an Eastend pub try it. The dragon elected to go and have a look at the shellfish on the pavement rather than wrestle with the crowd in the van. In fact she sent me in to investigate the van contents. And, gentleman that I am, I did.

I elbowed my way into the van. There was no other way to do it. I saw several women charge in, swinging fists and throwing small children behind them to slow down people following. Once inside, I had no idea what I was looking at. Well, I knew it was aquatic creatures of course, and I could even identify a crate of octopus, but everything else was just 'fish'. I selected a fairly plump fish that looked a little like George W Bush, and made a hasty exit. The dragon had selected some shrimp, and I grabbed one of the large crabs. A helpful lady told me in broken English that when selecting live crabs one should go for the ones with legs splayed. If they're balled up like a fist they are apparently not so fresh. This confused me as I had assumed that live crabs would automatically be fresh.

After the scrum in the van, the queue to pay was remarkably calm. The chap taking the money was British and appeared genuinely pleased to receive an English speaking customer. In case you're interested, the shrimp cost £5, the crab was £3, and George was £2. So after handing over my £10, we went home with our catch in a large plastic bag.

It turns out that George was in fact a girl fish, because she was full of eggs. The dragon was very pleased about this and I scored extra goody points I think. I cleaned it and removed the eggs, which were like long yellow condoms full of yoghurt. The dragon is apparently going to do something with the eggs today, but the rest of the fish went in the freezer with the shrimp. We left the crab in a bucket of water on the floor. He had expired by morning, but that is to be expected I think. I understand that the crab is destined for the pot this evening, though sadly I can't eat him because I'm allergic to crab. Oh the irony.

Compass

I'm going to talk politics, sorry.

It seems that Compass, variously described as a "Brownite Pressure Group", and a "Left of Centre Group", has launched something of a verbal attack on Boris Johnson, who is hoping to run against Ken Livingston for the role of London Mayor. I'm not sure whether "attack" is actually the correct term actually. The FT actually describes it as a "ferocious attack", and claims a "political battle erupted". I can't see it myself.

Compass actually said, "His (Boris') buffoonery conceals a hard-line rightwing set of views". Well I'm not sure about the buffoonary comment, but Boris is actually a Conservative MP, which I would suggest automatically makes him a right winger. I'm not sure really why they think that is worth mentioning. In fact, I'd suggest it was part of his appeal. Compass goes on to suggest that Boris holds "Thatcherite" views. That would be views consistant with those of Margaret Thatcher, the most popular and successful PM of the 20th century I assume - how ghastly! But most strangely, they go on to say that the Tory leader's support for Boris as Mayoral candidate would, “destroy the false image Cameron has spent the last 18 months trying to create”. This is a left wing, socialist, anti-Tory, Labour voting, Brownite group. Why would they be concerned about David Cameron destroying the false image he has spent the last 18 months cultivating? David Cameron is the enemy; one would think they might be indulging in a quiet celebration if they really thought the Tory leader was damaging his own image.

But all this is rather beside the point. I want to illustrate the irony here. Compass has described Boris Johnson as a hard-line right winger, with Thatcherite views, and suggested that he is likely to disrupt his own party. The candidate they support is Ken Livingston, a hard-line left winger, with Marxist views, who got thrown out of his own (Labour) party when he stood for Mayor because he opposed the Labour sponsored candidate Frank Dobson, who also lost his job as I remember. Ken went on to win the vote as an independent.

This isn't the first slightly odd attack on Boris. Last week it was reported that Labour supporters were being urged to vote for Tory candidates other than Boris in a bid to prevent him from becoming the party sponsored candidate, thus leaving a weaker Tory candidate to oppose Ken. It strikes me that this tactic was unlikely to work, partly because he could run without party sponsorship (as Ken did), and partly because he is so far ahead of any other Tory candidates that it isn't going to make any difference.

I can only conclude that the left wingers are so scared of Johnson running against Livingston that they have resorted to these rather desperate measures.

Leather

It's my leather wedding anniversary today. That's three years. In honour of the occasion, the dragon bought me a leather briefcase.

I was going to buy the dragon a watch, I know it has nothing to do with leather, but she wanted one. Unfortunately, the one she had her eye on is no longer available, so we may have to wait for the right one to come along.

This weekend we were due to go to Devon and see the oldies. Sadly Dumpy managed to get a cold and we decided to give it a miss until next weekend Actually next weekend is a bonk holiday, so it may not be the best idea to go then either, but we shall see. Anyway, we didn't waste the weekend. Phase one of the kitchen renovation project continued and all the wall cabinets are now in place. I haven't put the cooker hood in yet.

Pete Doherty has been arrested again for possession. I guess that means the clown has almost no hope of staying out of prison since the judge gave him an ultimatum at his last appearance which was basically, stay clean or get put away. I can't decide whether to feel sorry for him or just write him off as an idiot.

A bunch of extras have fallen from a truck during filming for the new Tom Cruise film in Germany. I wouldn't usually be the slightest bit interested in anything to do with Tom Cruise, but a phrase in this particular report caught my eye, "no findings to suggest anyone famous was involved". So that's OK then. There were casualties, but they# were just expendable extras.

The above was written yesterday but never posted. I didn't get around to writing anything very interesting today. I did see in the news that a Russian bomber was intercepted heading for Britain. Apparently it was not a security threat. Now this interests me. How do we know that it was not a security threat? It might have been carrying a 1000 mega tonne nuclear warhead couldn't it? Anyway, it seems it turned back before it got here.

Pete Doherty appeared in court today but escaped on a technicality. He wasn't presented to court within 24 ours of arrest and therefore walked free. It seems he is still on bail though, awaiting sentencing for previous convictions. The judge has threatened jail unless he cleans himself up. I can't feel sorry for the guy any more. He's a waste of space.

Oh, and I must just mention that I managed to find a train that was cancelled last week that I could have travelled on. So I'm going to try and claim compensation for that damn ticket that First Great Western wouldn't refund. I'll let you know how that goes.

My Evil Plan

15 Aug

We're scheduled to take a trip down to Devon this weekend, so I get a week off kitchen duty. I think we could do with a weekend out of the house anyway. We haven't done anything as a family in weeks. Oh, and it's our wedding anniversary on Monday. That will be three years and I can honestly say, I still enjoy being married and love the old Dragon as much now as I ever did. Strangely it will also be my parents wedding anniversary on the same day. They've been married 41 years, which is much more of an achievement. Anyway, I expect we'll all sit round a table together in Devon and celebrate the occasion.

16 Aug

A level results are out today and guess what, the pass rate has improved again. Yes, for 25 years in a row now, students have been getting consistently better marks each year, but still we're told that standards are not slipping. It's still just as difficult to pass the exams today as it was when I did them. I therefore think it strange that calculus is no longer mandatory for A level maths, since it was mandatory for my O level. If you're not British of course, you won't have a clue what I'm talking about. Sorry about that.

OK, I have to tell you something about First Great Western, the worst performing train company in the the country and possibly the world. They sold me a weekly season ticket recently. It started a day later than I asked for, so I complained. I must add here that I only realised that it was wrong a week after I bought it, because it expired before I expected it to. Anyway, they said they wouldn't accept responsibility or refund me for the lost day, despite the fact that they made the mistake. I have to take responsibility apparently, because I didn't spot their mistake.

However, I have a plan. They are bound by the terms of their franchise, which I sincerely hope they lose, to refund travellers who have been delayed by 30 minutes or more. Since I buy a season ticket every week that covers trains running all day, all I have to do is look at their website until I find a suitably late train, and claim I was delayed by it. It shouldn't take long to find one, since they run about 25% of trains late. I'll then submit a claim for that instead. I'll let you know how this goes.

Also I've noticed that FGW are bloody liars (yeah, go on, sue me, I dare you). Yesterday my train was delayed, though sadly not by 30 minutes, due to "kids throwing stones at the train", according to the station announcer. However, according to the train manager who made an announcement on the train, it was due to a signal failure. One of them lied and I'm fairly sure it was the station announcer since "kids throwing stones at the train" is a standard excuse they give on an almost daily basis.

It seems Dumpy has a cold, so I think we probably won't be going to Devon at the weekend after all. We'll go when we're less infectious.

I just got an anniversary gift from my wife. It's a most beautiful briefcase. I'll show you a picture tomorrow.

I'm Running Out of Places to Hide the Bodies

I feel macho. I have callouses on my hands. I bought a big electric screwdriver to help with this problem.

Well, I hung 4 cabinets on the wall in the kitchen this weekend. That means we're still 2 short of the final count, but there is no longer a need to keep things in the living room in boxes. We filled them up last night. I have an unwarranted fear of them falling off the wall. I assume this fear is normal. The wall fixings are fine. But the brackets supplied with the cabinets are secured using only 4 screws per unit. Seems like it should be more really. I still have to hang the last 2 cabinets and fit the cooker hood before I can move to phase two.



My boss is away this week. This is good because it means the weekly meeting is cancelled. When I started this job I really though that I wouldn't be busy enough. Indeed, there have been a few periods in which I have literally been looking for work to occupy myself. Now however, I am satisfyingly busy. Perhaps too busy, but rather that than under employed.

Today's amusing news story focuses on a gentleman called David Pratt, who was caught by street wardens in Peterborough a wearing a teeshirt bearing an "offensive" slogan. Mr Pratt was warned that he could face an £80 fine if seen wearing the shirt again. The slogan on the shirt was, "Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies". I'm slightly confused. I don't know if it's the word "piss", or the fact that the slogan infers that the wearer is a serial killer, that could cause offence. I also find it slightly odd that the BBC deems it necessary to blur out the word "piss" in the photo of the shirt on the news website, but reports exactly what the slogan said in the text of the report without censoring it. Over and above all this, I want to know what the hell "street wardens" are. And if they've nothing better to do than read teeshirt slogans, I'd like to know if public money is funding them.

First Great Western, officially the worst performing rail company in the country, possibly the world, with only 75% of trains even running on time, has astounded, well just about everyone really, by trying to sue the government consumer watchdog that complained about them. London Travelwatch recently contacted the government, asking them to consider revoking FGW's franchise. Those of us forced to suffer daily at the hands of FGW and and who recognise the full scale of their inadequacy, were all cheering London Travelwatch on, hoping that the franchise would indeed change hands. In fact, I'm still hoping that.

It seems however that FGW took exception to some of the "facts" London Travelwatch took to the government. They are still claiming that some of them are wrong, though I haven't been able to find out what they are specifically concerned about. However, they have apparently been in talks with London Travelwatch and no longer intend to sue. It's interesting to note that London Travelwatch have not withdrawn any of their claims however.

What really gets me about FGW is the fact that they made an almighty balls-up in December when they cut 20% of services. Everyone told them it would be a disaster and it was. FGW even admitted it was a disaster, after the event, and said they would rectify the situation. They have not rectified the situation of course, which is evident by the fact that customer satisfaction has been on a downward spiral ever since. But the board of directors is exactly the same now as it was when the disaster occurred. Who's head rolled? This is a problem with people not taking responsibility.

Lucan found in NZ

Well I never managed to post an entry for yesterday, but I'm having a go for one today. Things are busy at work currently, which sounds like an excuse. Well, it is an excuse, I used to write every day and I've been this busy before. I suppose there are other things too, like trying to be a good dad. Nothing actually happened yesterday of any great interest anyway.

Today's newspapers are bringing the news that Amy Winehouse is suffering "severe exhaustion", or the effects of a "drug overdose", depending on the nature of the paper you read. The Sun appears to be reporting it as a drug problem as is the Telegraph, The Guardian reports that the Sun said it was a drug problem but her PR people are calling it exhaustion. The BBC report that it is exhaustion. I personally find it difficult to believe that she would show up at a hospital accident and emergency unit in the small hours with "exhaustion".

Yesterday saw Pete Doherty in court facing drug charges again and possible imprisonment. I don't understand how people with this much talent let themselves go this far off the rails. They can't be happy can they?

Some clown reckons he's found Lord Lucan living in New Zealand in the back of a Land Rover. I admit that there's a passing resemblance, but come on, the guy is a decade too young! Click.

Phase 1 confidence crisis

I've been neglecting my diary pages lately. I'm sad about this because they have been an important part of my life for some years now. When one becomes a father a strange warping of time occurs and, despite the fact that there are still 24 hours in each day, every one of those hours somehow becomes fragmented and shortened. It is easy to fall into the trap of seizing every spare moment for sleep, or e-mail, or those other things that need to be done, but constantly get pushed towards the bottom of the To Do list. However, I am intending to increase the diary page priority value, probably at the expense of eating, or sleeping, or something.

This weekend I started kitchen upgrade phase 1. It was not as easy as I thought, or hoped it would be. I dismantled the wall cabinets with relatively little drama, but the wall behind them was so bad that it proved impossible to mount brackets on it. We spent most of yesterday cementing bricks back into place and filling holes. I had to leave the kitchen in a half finished state until next weekend when work can continue. I'm intending to secure a long wooden baton along the wall and hang the new cabinets from that. It should work. If it doesn't I'll admit defeat and call a man in.

I'm now slightly worried about phase 2. I shouldn't have the same problem with Units on the floor, but Who knows what could go wrong now. I'm having a confidence crisis.







I wrote the above yesterday and then saved it on the hard disk at work instead of my memory stick - doh! So, I'm still intending to start updating my pages regularly again, but today you get two entries in one.

A news story that caught my eye yesterday was about a woman who has been convicted of bigamy after failing to declare her marriage when she entered into a civil partnership with her lesbian lover. It gets more complicated because she now appears to have left her lesbian partner and returned to her husband. A clear case of reaping what was sown. She was given community service and a suspended prison sentence. She apparently has five children already and is currently pregnant again.

I was absolutely incensed by a story this morning about children's charities campaigning to ban advertising of formula milk. Currently no advertising is allowed that promotes formula milk for children under 6 months, but the charities want to extend this to include follow on milk products. I have a message for these idiot people. If you did your homework you would know that it isn't always possible to breast feed. Making new parents feel like failures because they don't (can't) breast feed will not have the desired effect. Indeed children suffer as a result. I speak from experience.

There is foot and mouth disease over the south of England, Pete Doherty is facing gaol for drugs offences, and Kate Middleton is no longer going to row across the channel in a dragon boat due to security fears.

More tomorrow, promise.