Banjaxed

It's been a good week off. I had planned to write something in these pages, but simply never got around to it. I can't remember the last time I had a week's paid holiday. I think I took 8 days for honeymoon in 2004, but that wasn't paid. I couldn't shake the feeling of guilt at not doing something productive. In fact I did do many productive things for myself. I'm pretty much ready for Christmas now.

We were intending to go down to Devon for a few days to relax, but the old folk managed to rupture their water tank and a flood banjaxed that idea. Instead the parents came to us for a day visit, which was very nice. Their house is I understand, almost back to normal.



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I don't much like cold calling. People that call me on the phone trying to sell me something invariably get a very short tempered response. I treat door to door callers with more respect usually, but I still object to the intrusion. Last week a man knocked at the door offering free exterior wall inspections. Under normal circumstances I would have sent him away, but there is a damp patch on one of the walls. I know what it is. I need to get the chimney capped, but I thought an inspection couldn't hurt, so I said yes.



I regretted this decision almost immediately. There was suddenly a barrage of questions which culminated in, "can I have a contact telephone number?" I don't give the house phone number out to anyone other than friends. It's not really a privacy thing so much as not wanting the Dragon to have to deal with tradesmen as well as a 9 month old baby. I tried to give the guy my mobile number, but he wouldn't take it, they only take home phone numbers. I should have refused, but I was caught off guard and gave it to him.



About 30 seconds after he left the phone rang once and stopped. The caller id was witheld. I then started creating nightmare scenarios in which low-life thugs wait for me to leave the house, call the phone to make sure the place is empty, and then break in to steal anything of value, and trash the place before leaving.

In fact I don't think that the company in question is necessarily disreputable. They called me and arranged an inspection for Sunday at 10. But by the time Sunday arrived, I was still regretting my decision to let them anywhere near me. I was also busy, and when they didn't turn up at 10 I got more fed up. I gave up hope of anyone coming by 10:45 and went to have my morning poo. Of course, the doorbell went just at that moment. I was so angry I almost feel sorry for the guy.



"Good Morning Sir."

"You're late."


"I know, the original inspector got held up. His car broke down. I came instead, sorry."


"Well, you have 10 minutes."


"OK, I'll tell you what, we'll reschedule."


"No, you have 10 minutes."


"We don't work like that."


"Goodbye then."



Pause...



"Why did you take up this offer?"


"I'm not going to stand on the doorstep arguing about it. You're 45 minutes late, and I'm busy, goodbye."



I feel better now that I've sent them packing. I've also been taking burglar prevention measures.



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We went to Bristol one day last week and built a Teddy Bear at the Bear Factory for Dumpy. I've mentioned the Bear Factory before. You start with an empty bear skin, poke in a heart, stick a pipe up his butt and stuff him, give him a name, generate a birth certificate, and give him some clothes. I had fun, but Dumpy slept through the experience. Well, it's supposed to be a surprise anyway.



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I must have mentioned the making of dumplings already because Dickie made a comment. They were quite awesome and we fed the old folk with them when they came to visit on Saturday. You are quite welcome to sample our dumplings by the way Dickie. Incidentally, where the hell are you? I have a Christmas card for you and no idea where to send it. I'll have a look at your site and see if you're updating.

We also made Christmas gingerbread men. They are hanging in the tree. Yes, we actually went to the bother of erecting a tree. Well, we did eat some of them.

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