Definitely Happened

I'm back from the far east and I have thrilling stories to relate. These include:

How I so nearly missed my connection in Hong Kong

My ride to Kaoshung on the bullet train



Drinking absolutely foul Chinese alcohol with my wife's aunt

And Abby, there are pictures, so it definitely happened.

I won't do everything at once. Instead I will bore you with them seperately over the next few days. Today I will relate the tale of my delayed flight from London, and how I nearly got stranded in Hong Kong.

I drove to the airport and deposited the car in a dodgy looking facility, which appeared to consist of a portacabin, a field, and a hundred or so cars. It was cheap, about £6 a day, and a 10 minute bus ride to the terminal.

I arrived early for my flight to Hong Kong. Check-in went smoothly, though I was unable to secure an aisle seat. This was bad because the plane was an Airbus A340 (I think) which means it was built for midgets. I drank a pint of Caffrey's in the Irish pub in the departure lounge while I waited for my gate to open.



The pub was crowded, and the staff overworked. The Caffrey's was not worth the wait. I wasted some time in the Harrods duty free shop. I purchased a few presents, including hand cream, and then regretted it. I realised too late that I would have to go through security again at Hong Kong with the hand cream in my hand luggage. They are currently confiscating such things for reasons I don't understand. I resolved to try and blag my way through rather than pitch it into a bin in the departure lounge.

Departure from London was delayed because the wings were iced up and we had to be hosed down with de-icer before we could leave. I was seated next to a large woman whom I later discovered to be a vociferous snorer. I envy people who can sleep on planes. It's not something I have ever been able to do. We were delayed about 30 minutes, and I had only one hour to make my connection in Hong Kong. By the time we were somewhere over Siberia, I realised that it was going to be very tight indeed.

And indeed it was tight. I exited the plane at maximum speed, throwing small children behind me, while an announcement requested that passengers remain seated until unaccompanied minors had been escorted from the aircraft. One trolley dolly asked me what the rush was, and I pointed out that my connecting flight was due to leave in about 6 minutes. She told me that me schedule was too tight, and I told her that her bloody plane was late. It's all a matter of perspective you see.

Excitingly, as I exited the craft, I heard my name called by one of the waiting ground staff. They were ready for me. I felt a certain relief. I thought perhaps they were going to give me a lift to the gate in a golf trolley. Alas no, I was given a bright orange badge, directions, and an assurance that they would inform the gate staff that I was on my way. So I started running for gate 64. I hate to run.

Gate 64 proved to be about 200 miles away of course, and I'm not fit. However, I did my best, and as I charged down the travelators like a bullet, I began to notice airport staff calling my name as I whooshed by, cheering me on. It was like coming up to the finish in an Olympic marathon. Security wanted to search me at the transfer area, but changed their minds when I pointed vigorously at my orange badge and protested. So, fate decreed that the hand cream was safe.

I arrived at gate 64 in a state of disarray, and was once again addressed by name. I couldn't speak though, no breath left. I just handed over my boarding pass and nodded and pointed. I think the gate staff felt sorry for me because I got an upgrade to business class. Or maybe it was just because I was the last passenger and they had a spare seat to fill. It was like having the medal hung around my neck anyway.





So I made my connection and arrived in Taipei on time, shaken but not stirred, complete with hand cream.

Another thrilling tale tomorrow.