We're Back

Well we're back from the Orient and all is well. The little man had a wonderful time in Taiwan with his Asian relatives, and he was so well behaved on the 15 hour flight home. He's now back at nursery with gifts of sweeties for his little friends and teachers.

Our new bedroom in the sky is now finished. We just have to decorate it and put a floor down. I bought some laminate flooring on special offer at the local DIY place and we're going to have a go at laying it ourselves. It looks fairly straightforward and I'm quite looking forward to it. We have to paint the walls first howeer.

I managed to screw up recording the first three episodes of the final series of Lost while we were away - Doh! I have however managed to download copies of the missed footage from variuous dodgy locations and I did remember to record episode 4 on Friday when we got back. So I should be ready for episode 5 when it airs this coming Friday. I have too much invested in Lost to drop it now. I'm completely fed up with Flash Forward however. They stopped airing FF abruptly just before Christmas and promised it would return in the New Year. It's now racing towards March and I can find no information about it at all. I may give up on it.

Talking of March, what's with the cold weather? I left in the snow, and returned to snow. It's been a compeltely foul winter and I really would like Spring to show up. We visited Hualien in Taiwan while we were there and the temperature hit 30C! I think I got used to tropical weather while living in Asia. I can't be doing with British Winters now.

We bought a new laptop while in Taiwan. It's not really completely up and running yet, but it is working and it is fabulously good. We got a 500GB external disk to go with it, which is about the most useful thing on earth, and about half the price you'd pay in Britain. I wonder if we should have declared it and paid duty on it. Oh well, we didn't anyway.

Coming back fromn Taiwan I was convinced we were going to go past our baggage weight limit. We didn't have scales to check before we left for the airport however. I had visions of us paying astronomical excess baggage fees. The dragon's plan was simply to leave all our clothes behind. Sure enough, we checked in five, yes five, bags and by my calculation we were around 13.2 kg over our limit. I was adding the weight of each bag as it was displayed on the weighing machine, "Shit", I said as the last bag went on, and I felt the dragon kick me in the ankle. As luck would have it however, either the check-in bimbo really was a bimbo and didn't notice, or she just fancied me, because we got away with it. She didn't even mention it.

Coming back to work was a bit of a struggle yesterday. I had 300 emails to read through. I hate going through masses of emails. As I start to look through them I always develop the nagging suspicion that there is one buried in the middle with really bad news, like "you're fired", or "we're moving you to our Angola office", and that everyone around me already knows. I'm happy to say that I've been through all of them now and I'm not scheduled to move to Angola and I haven't been fired. In fact, I got news of my bonus today - hooray. It wasn't that great actually, but it's better than nothing.

I want to go home and watch Lost. I've watched episode 1, and half of episode 2. So I still have 2.5 hours of footage to cover before Friday. I'm positively moist with anticipation.

Our office manager has just sent a scathing email to everyone because, "There is a male individual in this office who appears to be incapable of using a toilet cubicle in a civilised way". She didn't elabourate further but curiosity got the better of me when I went for a pee just now. One of the cubicles has a big 'Out of Order' notice on the door, so I had a peek inside. I was expecting to see excrement smeared up the walls or something, but in fact the problem appears to be a huge turd stuck in the U-bend. Admittedly the turd is about the size of a family car and it is pretty foul, but I have two questions; what is this individual supposed to do when this occurrs, and what is to be done about it now? I know the cleaner has been there, and presumably refused to attack the monster. Does this mean the cubicle is out of action forever? That's a scary thought actually. I'm not sure I want to go back in there until there's been a full exorcism.

I think I'll use the disabled lavatory. I have a cold coming, does that count as a disability? Whatever, I'll limp as well.

Tomorrow I fly

So, I'm pretty nearly ready to go. I have my ticket, and the car park is booked. I've packed everything. Actually come to think of it, no point in lying about this, I haven't packed anything. There is a pile of clothes, gifts, shoes, and assorted crap all over the living room and two open suit cases. I've been instructed to bring two but only use one. I think the dragon is intending to bring back huge amounts of cargo. I have made lists of stuff to do, and I'm crossing things off as I attend to them. Isn't that organised.

I'm leaving on the 11.30 flight tomorrow. I hate flights that leave in the morning. You have to get shit ready the night before, and leave early for the airport. Then when you get there you can't justify sitting in the bar waiting for your flight because only alcoholics drink before lunch time. Well I suppose I could argue that it's past lunchtime at my destination, but I'd still feel like a drunk.

I've checked in on line. I've only been issued with a ticket for about 30 minutes, but nearly all the seats are full already. I chose one at the back so that I get lunch first. Also, you never hear of planes reversing into mountains, so I think it's a good place from the safety point of view. What's the point of checking in on line anyway? You don't save any time. You still have to answer the ridiculous questions and have your bags weighed.

The stupid gas man came again today and this time actually had the right part in his van, so the central heating clock now works again. That's good. It means I can leave the house with the heating on low, so the pipes don't freeze, and it doesn't have to be on all the time.

I can't believe Lost series 6 actually starts the very day I leave. I have to find the exact times so I can set the recorder thingy. Yes, I know the entire world has seen episode 1 already. We in the UK have to wait until tomorrow. Recording Lost is on my list. So is the window cleaner. I owe him £5 and if I don't see him tonight he won't get it until I return, obviously.

Completely Disorganised

The Pope has launched an extraordinary attack on British equality legislation. According to the BBC report he has urged Catholic bishops in England and Wales to fight the UK's Equality Bill with "missionary zeal". Gordon Brown has suggested that it would be "inappropriate to comment" on the issue. That's odd isn't it? I'd have thought the British PM would be expected to make a comment when his own legislation was attacked. On the other hand, I'd have said it would be inappropriate for the Pope to abuse his unelected position by attempting to influence British policy.

In simple terms, I think his Holiness should keep his beak out of British politics until such time as he becomes an elected member of Parliament.

I have a lot of trouble even looking at the Pope anyway because he looks exactly like Uncle Fester from the Adams Family. Or is it just me?

The Pope:



Uncle Fester:


See...

Anyway, more mundane things; I fly out to Taiwan on Friday. I am completely not ready. I don't have anything packed. I don't even have my air ticket yet. I must call my chappie at Flightlinker. I have booked a place in the carpark, but I think it's a different one to the usual and I don't know wher eit is.

The new bedroom in the sky is almost finished. It's got stairs and everything. I'm top pleased with it, so I am. I don't know if the builder will be done by the time I'm gone, but I hope he'll be finished by the time I'm back.

The bloody gas man came to fix the bleeding central heating clock on Friday, took one look at it, sucked air through his teeth, and said, "I don't think I've got one on me van guv". They know what sort of boiler it is, and they knew the clock needed replacing. Odd that they sent someone round without the right part! Anyway, I have to work at home again on Thursday to let him in. Actually it works out quite well because I can pick up some Taiwan currency and my air ticket on the same day. British Gas are still a disorganised bunch of tossers however.