Written Thursday

In the list of useless objects commonly found in the average neighbourhood, leaf blowers must surely come somewhere near the top. Seriously, those things are a real triumph of marketing over functionality. If you took that invention on Dragons' Den they'd laugh at you.

"I've got this great invention. It blows leaves."

"It blows leaves where?"

"Well onto the road, all over parked cars, into the faces of passing pedestrians."

"OK, thanks, NEXT."

There were two swarthy workmen outside my office with leaf blowers this morning, happily blowing leaves around the carpark. At least if you have a broom you can sweep them into a pile. Even that seems pretty futile since the pile is undoubtedly going to be redispersed as soon as the wind picks up. I'm sure I remember an episode of Kung-Fu that covered some philosophy behind the futility of sweeping up leaves, which serves to indicate just how old I have become, sadly. David Carrodine did not have a leaf blower of course. But I'm sure I remember Grasshopper going to his blind master to ask why he was sweeping up leaves only for the wind to blow them away again. Had I been an attentive seven-year-old, I might have been able to remember the wise answer, but I guess I wasn't.

The bloody clocks are due to go back one hour at the weekend. I hate that. It's generally about two weeks before Ihave changed all the clocks. And it's all so pointless. What difference does it make where the blasted hands on the clock pooint? Just leave the bleediong things alone! A report out this week suggests that turning back the closks in Autumn actually causes road accidents over the following four weeks. Ironic really, since improved road safety is generally given as the reason for actually doing it.

The report seemingly urges the Department of Transport to look into putting the clocks one hour ahead of BST throughout the year. I love the quote from an unnamed spokesman for the department of transport who said, "A wide range of issues would have to be considered if a move to single double summertime was to be considered, of which casualty savings is just one." I think he means summer time + one hour all year round when he says, "single double summer time".

Tonight the convicted racist, holocaust denier, and white supremisist Nick Griffin is to appear on Question time. He likes to portray himself as a respectable, well dressed gentleman. I prefer this image of him as a youth marching for the National Front wearing a White Power t-shirt.



There is an excellent article in today's Independent entitled, 10 things you should know about the BNP when you watch Question Time tonight. I recommend you have a quick look. It includes details of Griffin's conviction for inciting racial hatred, his association with the Ku Klux Klan, and some of his associations with other unsavoury characters.

107 miles

This is the second attempt I have made at writing this thanks to a laptop disaster earlier today. Computers seem to hate me at the moment.

It emerged today that while on the US mainland it is not possible to be more than 107 miles from a McDonalds restaurant. Some clown, who frankly needs to get out more, has plotted all 13,000 McRestaurants on a map and found the spot furthest from any of them. In case you're worried, that spot 107 miles from the nearest outlet is between Meadow and Glad Valley in South Dakota. All this means that, as long as you have a full tank of fuel, you can get to a McDonalds and back from wherever you are on the US mainland. I find that deeply disturbing.

As I tossed this story round the office this morning, several comments came back, and George came up with a brilliant idea. He reckons we can solve the post office closure problem here in the UK simply by putting a post office in the corner of every restaurant. McCoverage in Britain is not as complete as the US of course. I'm thinking of writing to Lord Mandleson about it anyway.

The BNP have lost another membership list. It's beginning to look like carelessness. A full membership list showed up on teh internet a few months ago and this morning wikileak was hosting an updated list from April. The foul Nick Griffin is all upset about it (again), and it has yet to be verified as genuine. He claims that it's all a conspiracy to undermine his appearance on Question Time on Thursday. I've downloaded my copy already. I didn't recognise any names from my home town.

Broken

Everything in my life is breaking down. The car works now, but it cost a fortune to repair. It needed a new mass air meter apparently. The dragon's camera has an intermittant fault and her Mandarine-English translator has died. The home PC has had to be rebuilt but still seems to have a hardware problem which makes it slightly unpredictable. It's working at the moment. The central heating clock isn't working, but I think that may be covered by our central heating insurance. Then there is my knee of course. That's mended, but the saga went on for several months. On the plus side, I did manage to get the little laptop with the Chinese operating system working on our wireless network at last. Anyway, that's mostly why I haven't written here for days.

We've been investigation schools for the boy. He's only three, but he has to start school next year in September. We've seen two schools in the area and have a meeting with the headmaster of a third school on Wednesday. Technically he's in the catchment area for all three schools, but one of them is a faith school, so the selction process is different. This will sound odd coming from me, but I quite want him to go to the faith school. It's not that I want him to grow up faithful, I want him to make an informed decision about his faith. If he turns to Christianity, that's fine, likewise if he decides to walk the path of the Budhist or the atheist. What I don't want is for him to become faithless just because his father is a heathen. Call me a hypocrit, but that's how I feel at the moment.

This week the BNP is scheduled to appear on the Question Time panel. That won't mean much to you unless you're British. Th eBNP are the British National Party. They make their name by going to areas of racial tension, stirring up trouble with provocative speeches, and then blaming the ensuing riots on racial minorities. They currently only allow white people to join their party and are against inter-racial marriages. The whites only membership policy has been judged illegal and is currently being debated by teh party. It has been suggested that since the legal case is hanging over them, they shouldn't be allowed on the Question Time panel. I'm all for letting them loose on the air myself. They have such extreme views and they are always so agressive when they do get a soap box upon which to stand, that they end up shooting themselves in the foot anyway. I'll be watching.

Are you watching Flash Forward? I'm getting quite into it. Charlie from Lost just turned up.

Apparently the law doesn't apply to Harriet

Careless driving carries a penalty of nine points on the driving licence and a £2,500 fine. Using a mobile phone whilst driving will cost you £60 and three points on your licence. Leaving the scene of an accident can land you in jail for up to six months. I mention this because:

Harriet Harman was allegedly seen crashing her car into another stationary vehicle while using a mobile phone, and then leaving the scene of the accident without reporting it or attempting to leave contact details. Apparently when challenged by an eyewitness she claimed, "I'm Harriet Harman, you know where you can get me". Drivers involved in a collision are required by law to either report it to the police or pass on their details to the other driver. She's a lawyer, she must know that.

Harman is famous for her appalling driving practices. She was caught at 99 mph on the M4 and was banned from driving for 7 days in 2003. Usually a 99 mph ticket means the police caught you doing over 100 mph and some plea bargaining took place at the side of the road. Being caught at speeds of 100 mph or more means an instant ban. She was also clocked at 50mph in a 40 zone in 2007 and was sent a court summons after failing to pay a £60 fine. It's beginning to look as though Ms Harman considers herself above the law doesn't it?

So, Derren Brown then, He did an entire show last week based on trying to predict the outcome of a single spin at the roulette wheel, and failed. It was the oddest programme. He claimed he'd stolen £5,000 from a viewer by hypnotising him, and then took that money to the roulette table where he subsequently lost it. In fairness he did apologise and offer to pay back the cash. But it was a monument to anticlimax. The only thing I can think is that an impressive near miss at the end of the series was paving the way for something else.

I'm quite sure that he really wasn't trying to predict the outcome of the spin with speed and trajectory calculations in real time, despite what he told us. There was live footage from a casino, but we weren't told where it was and it could have been a studio set. I'm still thinking about it