Predictions

Prime Minister's Question time - 20 May 2009:

David Cameron: This morning the Prime Minister said that a general election would cause chaos. What on earth did he mean?

Gordon Brown: What would cause chaos is if a Conservative Government were elected and caused public spending cuts.

Uproar and hysteria erupts in the house.

David Cameron: So, there we have it, the first admission that he thinks he's going to lose. I know the Prime Minister is frightened of elections, but how can he possibly believe that in the fourth year of a parliament in one of the oldest democracies in the world, a general election could somehow bring chaos. Have another go at a better answer.

And so it went on. Gordon Brown was trampled by Her Majesty's Opposition.

Here are some predictions:

The EU elections on 4 June will give the UKIP a record result. This will be an embarrassment for the Labour party since they are the only major party that still supports the EU in its current form, and the UKIP seem to have only a single policy, which is to scrap it.

The Labour party will do spectacularly badly in the EU elections and by elections that are held on the same day.

The opposition will step up calls for a general election.

The government will attempt to resist calls for the election but will eventually have to relent. I'm guessing the announcement will come in July, but there has to be an election before June 2010.

The government will lose badly and the new PM will be David Cameron.

The new Conservative government will give us a referendum on the Lisbon treaty within the first months of their incumbency. There will be a resounding No vote.

The government will pledge to renegotiate our role in Europe and give us an In or Out referendum in 4-5 years.

There will be much fighting within Europe over the issue of the UK. No real agreement will be reached. Britain will be accused of damaging Europe.

The In or Out referendum will return a resounding "Out" vote, and Britain will be forced to leave Europe.

The Czech Republic will also leave Europe and Britain will become public enemy number one.

Europe will begin to crumble from within and finally implode about 2035.

I realise that we will have to wait 26 years to see that I was right, but I will still be here to write, "I told you so" when it does.

And now for something completely different:

Announced by the Company VP in the office kitchen as he was reading a notice about a charity abseiling event:

"Falling off a building won't kill you. It's the rapid deceleration on the ground that's the problem".

He's a Physics Phd.