Dear Cow in the Home Office

I'm not going to talk about politics.

Today is "stress awareness day" apparently. I know this because I have had an email from the Human Resources manager 0informing me of it. What I want to know is who thought of putting it on firework night! I don't like being a "human resource". It's degrading. In the old days we were always "personnel". I want to be personnel.

On Monday the BBC reported this story about a woman who was seen tied up and naked at a Hampshire railway station. It seems that a couple driving past the station saw the woman, accompanied by a man dressed in camouflage. They called the police. Yesterday the BBC ran a further report that suggested the naked woman had come forward and admitted that it was "a prank". Sounds to me like there may have been more to it than "a prank". I love these stories that remain open ended.

Apparently from this month foreigners married to British subjects will only be eligible for marriage-based visas allowing them to live in this country if they are over 21.

Dear Cow in the Home Office

You are obviously intent on busting up multi national marriages, why don't you just pass a bloody law prohibiting marriage to foreigners? Better yet, why not round up all the foreigners in Britain, put them in a field and mow them down with automatic weapon fire?

I agree that there is a problem with immigration, but these are not the droids you're looking for. There's only a problem because you allowed hoards of illegal immigrants to stay, and allowed a huge wave of immigration from eastern Europe to wash over us. If you want to bring immigration under control, these are the people you need to focus on.

Yours etc etc

Oh, I got a two-page reply from local MP about id cards and the fact that my wife is to be fingerprinted like a common criminal. She failed to answer just about every question I asked her. I might scan and post said letter here.

OK, that's all, you may go now.