Fake

I registered the birth of our son last week. It's a fairly simple process. One goes to the registry office, gives the registra all the required information, and leaves with a birth certificate. It costs nothing, unless a full birth certificate is required, in which case, it costs £3.50. When you have the birth certificate, you can claim family allowance. That's about £17 a week. You also get £250 to invest for the child.

I was actually surprised at just how simple this process was. There were no awkward questions. No proof of identification was required. I was asked my name and address, where I was born, what my occupation is, marital status, wife's name, date of birth etc. I had to give basic information about the child, place of birth, date of birth, and of course the name we chose. But I wasn't asked to prove anything. I wasn't asked for a marriage certificate, proof of my address, or any id. I didn't have to bring my wife or child with me, and both the short and full birth certificates were printed and given to me right there.

As far as I can tell, anyone can walk into a registry office and register a fictional child on demand.

In itself, a birth certificate for a child that doesn't exist is not terribly useful. It can be used however to get family allowance of £17 a week and a £250 lump sum for investment. But, to get family allowance, you do have to provide a National Insurance number, an address, and a bank account into which the money can be payed. It's not straight forward to fake these things, but I'm sure I could do it. And if I think about it for long enough, I'm sure I could come up with more uses for a fake birth certificate.

I just heard from the dragon that our little boy now has a Chinese name. Because he is half Taiwanese, the task of giving him a Chinese name falls upon the most senior member of his family. That would be his great grandfather. Apparently great grandfather has chosen a name today and it means something like "don't forget ancestors". This is an effort to ensure that he doesn't forget his Taiwanese roots even if he lives in Britain I think. I don't know how to write it, but I'll try and learn tonight.

The big news today is that Chantelle, who shot to fame on the Celebrity Big Brother show, is to marry Preston, who also appeared on the show. I feel dirty watching Big Brother, but that particular show, which also included George Galloway, Michael Barrymore, Dennis Rodman, and Tracy Bingham, was strangely compelling. It beats me why anyone would want to subject themselves to that kind of torture. The producers go out of their way to make things uncomfortable for the house mates, to the point of half starving them in this case. In a strange twist of fate, Chantelle, who went into the house as the only non celebrity, won the show and gained so much publicity from it that she is now probably more famous than Preston, who has had some chart success with his band.

Tonight I have to pick up friend Eugenie from Newport station. She is Staying for a few days. She is currently on holiday from university near where I work. She's a Taiwan friend who just happens to be studying here. I think it will be nice for the dragon to have someone with her for a couple of days.

It seems the company I am contracting for has decided that Good Friday will not be a holiday. Instead they are closing down on Easter Monday and then Tuesday as well. This is good for me because I get bank holiday rates on Friday. I don't think they have realised that yet.

I just thought of two uses for fake birth certificates. If people were smuggling children in from other countries and wanted to hide them here as British, they might want a passport. Secondly, people who have had gender reasignment surgery aren't allowed to change their birth certificates to reflect their new gender. They might want a new birth certificate. There could even be a market for these things.