Broken nose

I nearly broke my nose with a didgeridoo last night. I was playing my own version of Sunrise, made famous by Rolf Harris of course, when Dumpy decided to race across the room in my direction. One learns very quickly when one has a toddler running around the house, that they have bad brakes and don't look where they are going. It was therefore a reflex action that caused me to pull the didgeridoo out of his path, and hold it over my head. It was just plain old clumsiness that caused me to drop it on the bridge of my nose. I was wearing metal framed glasses at the time, which was probably a blessing since they didn't break, they merely produced a gash on my nose. Had I been wearing my Michael Caine plastic framed pair, I'm sure they would have suffered a loss of dimensional integrity.

So, I'm sitting here at work wearing the plastic glasses because they hide the injury better than the metal pair. It doesn't look like I've been fighting, more like I fell out of a pub drunk and walked into a bus shelter. The question is, given that no one will believe the didge story, what do I tell them when/if they ask?

Apparently cows cause 3% of Britain's greenhouse gas output due to farting and belching. I'm not making this up, apparently cow farting is a huge issue. But scientists have come up with the answer, and it appears to be garlic. Yes, garlic in cow feed can apparently reduce farting by up to 50%. Sounds like bull shit to me.

It seems al Qaeda has issued a warning to Britain that retaliation will ensue in response to Salman Rushdie being awarded a knighthood. That seems a little unfair to me. I don't approve of Rushdie being knighted. I have a problem with the whole honours system come to that. How come I have to suffer retaliation? What bothers me about Islamic terrorism, is that I have no idea what the demands of the terrorists are. When the IRA were blowing cars up, they were targeting politicians and they wanted an independent Northern Ireland. I didn't approve, but I understood. The Muslim scum blow up a train of innocent people and what do they expect us to do? You want me to convert? You want to kill all non muslims? You just like loud bangs? What's the manifesto?