I'm not scared
It's Wednesday and I will be taking the rest of the week off to return to Devon and attend the funeral. Last night the Dragon told me she sometimes feels as though my father is near her. I'm about the least spiritual person that you are ever likely to meet. I believe in nothing. But when she said that, I really wished I could feel him. The truth is that I don't feel my father. I just miss him.
Tomorrow will be the last chance I get to see him. I've been turning it over in my mind. I don't know that I want to see him, but I'm quite sure I'll regret it if I don't. I have the undertaker's number programmed into my phone. I looked up the location on Google Maps. I have to drive past the place tomorrow. I'm not scared. I don't know what bothers me about it.
posted by GoblinBlog @ 10:52 pm
1 comments
1 Comments:
Maybe it's the finality of it? I don't know how they handle these things custom wise in the UK, but here the immediate family comes forward and witnesses the closing of the casket. There is something terribly final about that. It goes beyond spiritual beliefs, or lack of them. No matter what is believed there's something still very effecting about a person you love laid to rest.
When my Dad died Wayne and I went by ourselves to put his ashes in the niche with his Mother's casket. We'd had a memorial, talked about it, done all these things to do with saying good bye. But I didn't really feel the real weight of it until then.
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