I hate Dan Brown

I hate Dan Brown. I finished the Da Vinci Code last night. DO NOT READ IT, IT'S CRAP! And what's more, if you're anything like me, you won't realize it's crap until the last chapter. Normally I wouldn't write anything about a book or film here that gave any of the plot away, lest I ruin it for you people. However, in this case, I can't possibly ruin it any more than the author did, and I think I owe it to everyone. If you really want to read it, ignore the next 2 paragraphs.

The book begins with Jaques Sauniere getting himself murdered in the Louvre. It becomes evident in chapter 1 that he is desperately trying to pass on the secret of the location of the priory keystone to his Granddaughter because he alone knows where it is. The entire rest of the book follows his Granddaughter and Robert Langdon unravelling the secret over the next 48 hours, which involves recovering the keystone from a secure bank vault. The keystone reveals the location of the treasure. Let's not be too specific here.

The point is, they spend about 170 chapters lurching from mystery to mystery, only to discover, right at the end, that Sauniere's wife has come back from the dead, knew the location of the treasure all along, and confirms that there are other people in the Priory that can take over where her husband left off. presumeably that means that they are also privy to the secret. So why was Sauniere so desperate to pass on the secret? He could simply have arranged for the vault key to be passed to his wife or other priory members, with far less chance of compromising the secret. He could just have died without doing anything come to think of it, since his wife knew what the priory keystone held anyway. Crap ladies and Gentlemen, CRAP!

I feel cheated. I think I may sue. Actually, the end was so awful that I feel I may have missed something, and I'm torn between wanting to discover that something I missed, and feeling like an idiot, or just being depressed that I wasted a week of my life reading the drivel. How can anyone invest so much in creating an intricate setting for such a totally stupid plot?

I want to go to Utah. I have decided this after reading a report on The Inquirer explaining how they are attempting to prohibit internet porn in the state. Read the article here. So far the Utah Senate has approved legislation that will require all ISPs to censor websites that could be harmful to children. It will also require that e-mail servers and search engines filter out the same offensive material. The law is now being considered by the STate governor. I thought the Daily Herald made a good point when they stated, "creating a registry of Utah-based adult sites will not stop anybody from accessing online sex any more than standing chest deep in the Colorado River will stop its rush toward the Gulf of California. It's a pointless exercise, however well meaning."

It just so happens that Don in this very office is from Utah. I had the good sense to establish this fact before doing twenty minutes of stand-up on the subject. Apparently one can't buy sex toy's, any kind of printed porn, booze (except children strength beer), or even coffee very easily. He says it's clean and very safe, but "kinda boring".

I want to go there because I want to step back in time and see primitive people in their native habitats. I also think this is a wonderful marketing opportunity. I was thinking, you just need a large van with sides that fold down. You can then sell porn, sex toys, booze, and coffee on the side of the road. I think you'd make a killing.

I see that there have been two protests involving bare female breasts against the Ponce of Wales as he tours New Zealand and visits poor people. I'm not sure that Charles really cares for breasts, so it may not be the ideal protest from that point of view. But being a big fan of bouncy jubblies myself, I'm all for this type of thing. I recently read on the excellent A-List Gossip site, that Charles is "not unacquainted with the ways of men". I find this staement somewhat enigmatic, but I like it.

The Michael Jackson trial has heard evidence from the brother of the accuser and it would appear that MJ might have shown porn to the child. I can't see that he has actually been accused in court of anything I would consider deserving of a custodial sentence. Showing kids porn and giving them alcohol is irrisponsible, especially if they aren't your kids, but I'm not sure it's serious. I think it's looking good for MJ right now.